Tuesday, March 23, 2010

     My faith level today is low. All the fears that something will go wrong with this adoption are pressing down upon me.  What if immigration decides that our finances disqualify us? What if the judge in Aaron's country kicks us out for the same reason? What if we are rejected for any number of other reasons?  What if the mental institute where Aaron was transferred decides to close the door on his adoption?  What if.... 

     Anything could go wrong at any point in this process.  There is no guarantee that we will pass through to the end.  Other adoptions fall apart, other people have the heartache of seeing the door shut in their faces.  People who trusted and believed as much as we do.  Life isn't fair and it doesn't always work out in our favor.  The 'What if's' are real. 

     I'm struggling with all of this tonight.  We are waiting, and will be waiting for quite a few weeks for immigration to give their stamp of approval on this adoption.  The waiting makes me nervous and fearful.  It forces me to my knees, knowing that only God can move these mountains.  I know with every part of my being that though life isn't fair, God is still on the throne.  He is loving, He is kind and He holds our lives, Aaron's life in His hands. 

Psalm 43:5
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

3 comments:

  1. Hang in there. We are all behind you and I am praying for you. There's not much we can do but wait and pray.

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  2. That is so weird, I have been feeling down and worried today too. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hopefully soon you will be holding you son in your arms and all of this difficulty will be a distant memory.

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  3. When we were adopting our son back in 2007, I remember standing on the elevator at work, and a guy - maybe innocently - asked me "so are you guaranteed to come home with a child?"
    I was floored. I was offended. I was hurt.
    I responded, "No, we're not. But if I was pregnant, I wouldn't be guaranteed to carry the baby to term or deliver a healthy child. Life doesn't come with guarantees."
    I had heard the stories of families whose adoptions fell through. I made it a point to read about the good AND the bad, and tried to prepare for every possible scenario. But like you, I got scared, too. My best advice? Cling to the Father.
    Just a week or two before we left for Ukraine in 2007, God led me to this verse:

    I will go before you and make the rough places smooth; I will shatter the doors of bronze and cut through their iron bars. Isaiah 45:2

    Praying that He makes your rough places smooth, and that He eases your worries. Fear can be good, if it draws us closer to Him!

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Loving words from kind people make our hearts glad!

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