Saturday, October 16, 2010

He falls

I hate it when Aaron falls.  It makes me want to grind my teeth and cry out in utter frustration against a system that prevented him from getting the treatment he desperately needed when he was just a tiny baby.  His helplessness breaks my heart. 

Last night he was outside, pulling the wagon around our circle driveway.  It is his favorite outside activity.  He puts his treasures inside the wagon and off he goes.   He dearly loves that rusty old wagon.  Somehow last night, in his circling of the driveway, he fell.  None of us saw it happen.  The boys had just come inside to grab some pizza and had left the door open for Aaron.   He didn't follow them in.  We didn't hear him fall and in Aaron style, he fell, hurt himself and cried with tears flowing down his face in utter silence.  When we went looking for him (all four us when we realized he was 'missing'), we found him sitting in the driveway, sad, ashamed, alone, wet tears still running down his cheeks. 

He doesn't understand comfort.  He is not used to kisses and hugs.  It overwhelms him.   He just wants to be left alone.  I hate it.  I hate not being able to hold him close to me when he hurts himself. I hate that he cries in silence.  I hate not being able to prevent him from head diving into the pavement. I hate that he can't use his arms to soften the blow.   It is so hard to watch.  I want to fix him quickly.  I want him to have the freedom to run and play without fear.  All we can do is watch, pray and hope that God will protect his body until we figure out the best plan of action to get help for his little body.

P.S. - For those who have wondered - we have looked into helmets.  We have delayed making a decision about getting one because we want to meet with the doctor's at Shriner's in November to see what they would recommend.

12 comments:

  1. He will learn. Eventually he will come running to you when he gets hurt. I know he will.

    But there are five years of no kisses and hugs, no idea that getting hurt means Mommy comes running to snuggle you. He will learn.

    I can just picture him dragging his wagon around. He is so gorgeous. Love you guys!!!

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  2. Oh Julia... I'm not even his Mommy and I am hurting for him!! I hope that someday he will learn to accept your help when he falls, or when he is hurting. I hate what that place did to your poor little guy. God, show him that he is loved and will never have to live that way again!! Praying for you & Aaron.

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  3. Have courage, and keep loving on him when he gets hurt. Our Dd was the same way at first . . . she obviously did not expect or seek comfort. I still remember the first time she tripped and fell on the carpet at the orphanage and got a rug burn and we hugged and kissed her owchie . . . she looked so obviously stunned bewildered. She now comes for comfort and WANTS hugged and kissed when she is hurt. . . took time, but it happened.

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  4. He'll come around. You'll see. When you least expect it that little window of Aaron's heart will open up and receive all that mommy and daddy love he's been observing. Been praying for all of you in all areas of your life. :)
    Carolyn

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  5. Julia --
    I have been following your blog and your incredible adoption story. You are such an inspiring mother. Seriously. Countless times I have come back to your blog and thought if you can go through what you did to adopt Aaron, then I can certainly keep going with our adoption as well. We are adopting a little guy named Vlad and can't wait to go get him.

    Anyway, I had a question for you about Brady. I wanted to fundraise for him and get his story out there. Is there any information about him or photos that you have of him? I would love to see a family commit to him before Christmas and would love to advocate for him. Anything you have would be great! My email is cburick@wheatonacademy.org and my blog is www.bigvandlittlesy.blogspot.com

    Thanks!
    Corbett :)

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  6. that is heartbreaking indeed. I want to share something, though. Mary used to cry alone and night and would fight when I tried to hold & comfort her. But one night (not long into her time home) I could stand it no longer. I held her against all her fighting and resisting. I said, "This is what MOmmies do" and I held her until we were both sweating from the "fight", and finally she rested her head on my chest and gave in to it. It was hard but necessary. He has a Mommy now, and comforting is what Mommies do. I dont' know if he needs to have it "forced" the way she did the first time or not, but I'm not sure we are supposed to wait for them to be ready. They don't know how to be ready all by themselves.

    I pray for you always!

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  7. Oh my heart would break too, friend. I cannot even imagine. Poor little love.

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  8. Oh Julia, this breaks my heart, for you and for Aaron. I too believe that he will learn, but that doesn't lessen the hurt now. I do believe that even though it may overwelm him (and perhaps embarass him a little) now, that he will see that you all contiune to show concern for him, and that will sink in. He will see it right away, and it will comfort him more and more as the days go by.

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  9. Julia, will leam the need to hug him when his mon get hurt.My son never cried, had the very high pain level ( in the orphanage knew nobody would como to console)
    Now she cries for every thing, and hopes her mom hug him, never ceases to get my kisses.
    I can give you a thousand kisses day...mama said never stop.
    Teresa.España.

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  10. someone told me they asked their child when they fell or bumped something "baleet?" (hurt?) and he would say no but eventually he would say YES and cry! I found the same thing with my Andre. He banged his head pretty hard and I asked him if he hurt and he said no. but within a couple weeks he would say da when I asked and now home since midAugust he cries to me with every booboo under the sun. ps you will find the philly shriners team to be awesome!

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  11. I've enjoyed reading all of the responses to your dilemma of how to comfort Aaron. Lots of things to ponder... I will be praying that God will guide you in your parenting and give you wisdom in knowing what is the best way to respond to challenging situations.

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  12. Steven now breaks into sobbing tears over MANY things--and kisses fix his owies very quickly. It just takes time.
    Joy

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Loving words from kind people make our hearts glad!

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