Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Love Wars

I admit - I tell my boys I love them all the time.  I'm a sap that way.  They have heard those words from Day One.  At first meeting, for all three of my precious sons, they were covered with love words from me.  Ben and Elijah as babies in my arms and Aaron as a six year old at a mental institute. 

Some days love is a choice - other days an overwhelming feeling that bursts forth from the depth of my being.  I love my boys. 

Ben and Elijah, since little guys learning to talk, have learned to said "I love you" back to me.  When they do, we have a war.  I love you, I love you more - Love Wars.  Who loves the most.  I always win of course.  The love of a mother to her child is much greater than the love of a child to their mother.  At least that is the argument I use when they try to out-trump my love.  They can't defeat me in the love war.  It is a fun game and has deep meaning.  Love.  Unconditional.  No matter what.

Aaron has heard me whisper words of love in his ear from the first day we showed up at his drab, dreary institute.  Foreign words.  Meaningless words.  But the sameness of them, usually accompanied by kisses and caresses, hugs and other whispers soon began to penetrate his hurting and distrustful heart. 

In the beginning I never got a response back from him.  He would move away, out of reach of my whispers and kisses.  I didn't give up.  Not my son.  As time passed, he stopped pulling away, instead freezing in place, scared to move - unsure - nervous.  More time and he would lean in, invite the words, smile for the kisses - but with great caution.  Eventually, goofiness followed, desiring deeply to be touched and loved but scared. So he would giggle and pretend to fight, push me off - but not really.  Sometimes - on rare occasions, he would sit on my lap, rock in the chair.  No fighting, no goofiness, just the pleasure of sitting.  At other times he would come to me, on his own, head down, wanting to hear, to feel this thing called Love.

Finally, Aaron let me hold him.  In my arms.  Head on my shoulder.  Whispers and kisses in his ear with his body tight against mine.  Sweet joy.  For both Mama and son. 

But never the words back from him.  Only Mama said the love words.  Until one night, just a few days ago, tucking him into bed, kissing his little blond hair and saying, for the thousandth time, "I love you."

Then, I hear it.  In the tiniest voice possible, he whispers - "I love you." 

Almost too quiet to catch but caught indeed.  My Mama heart melted right there.  "I love you."  No longer meaningless.  No longer foreign.  Love.  Now, freely spoken, freely received - "I love you" - "I love you more" - and the war has begun. 

My love crossed the ocean for you - little boy - top that! Love Wars.

26 comments:

  1. What amazing, precious, incredible words. This made me tearful to read (tears of joy obviously!). Aaron is such a blessing to your family and you are a true blessing for him. It is true what the bible says: love conquers all :)

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  2. That brought tears to my eyes! Precious!

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  3. Oh, it is not NICE to start my days with tears! The most beautiful war commentary I've ever read.

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  4. Absolutely so beautiful!! I'm in tears!

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  5. Tears streaming down my cheeks! SO glad Aaron is able to express his love for you!!

    How I long to hear those words from our newly adopted sons! Today is Gotcha Say for us! I, too, will whisper words of love into their ears once they get home. I have yet to meet them. Jeff will bring them home to me on Friday. Love words...cannot wait!

    Debbie
    bringing home Matthew and Michael, (4)

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  6. Amazing! It warms my heart to hear this.

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  7. Ahhh yes! When my Dd tries to tell me she loves me more, I always laugh and say, "I love you so much, I went all the way to Russia and back again TWICE for YOU!". ;-) She can't top that. Though she does try . . . ;-)

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  8. Goosebumps.... every child deserves to feel the absolute strength of his mommas love!

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  9. Oh Julia!! How blessed you are. :::crying again:::

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  10. Wonderful to read this today! Blessings, Jennifer

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  11. So many happy tears this morning!

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  12. Tears ... tears ... Aaron is feeling, receiving, recognizing, and reciprocating that feeling called love. How beautiful.

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  13. Awesome...awesome...awesome...Reminds me of how much God did to bring us home too. words from a M Card song... "[could it really be] that You would rather die than live without me/us"
    The rescue was on and He did it and now He has done it all over again in time for Aaron too. I think He loves to give us current pictures of the incredible and unfathomable depths of His love!! : ) I love you, Julie!!

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  14. Absolutely beautiful! It's a moment we waited over a year for, but so worth the wait! Imagine how the Lord feels when we finally choose to say it back to Him. He's been waiting an eternity (literally!) to hear it from us!

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  15. Oh Julia, my heart just melted, and I'm crying, again. What a lovely moment for both of you. I enjoyed reading the story of getting to this point as well, and about your older boys:) I too tell my little ones how much I love them, all day and night. My 4 yr old daughter will now lean into my ear and whisper "I love you, I love you, I love you..." over and over again for no reason other then to tell me. Or her new thing of "Mummy, I love always, always, no matter what. You love me always, always, no matter what too!" I love it all. Love is such a wonderful thing:)

    Your right though, Mumma always wins. How could there be any greater love then that of a mother for her child? Father for their child comes in a close second, but it is still different.

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  16. The sweetest words a mama can hear. So glad Aaron whispered them to you!

    Blessings,
    Barbara

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  17. I have tears streaming in my tea now, thank you very much!!! I can't wait for Nadia to 'get' all of that. We're seeing progress but oh how wonderful to see that Aaron really gets it! He has waited so long to understand what love really is. All the more sweeter.

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  18. Oh, Julia! You've made me cry, too. There really is nothing like a mother's love for her children. And, as joyous as I am that you've experienced this, I am 10000000 times more joyous that Aaron has. He IS loved by you; has been for a long, long time. And he loves you, too. What a wonderful, soft place for him to land - in your hearts.

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Loving words from kind people make our hearts glad!