Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Sorrowful Days

What can I say?  When we prepared Aaron for his surgery at Shriner's in August, we tried to explain that the Doctor would be operating on his elbow so that it would work better.  We tried to explain in the simplest of terms what would be taking place.  Upon hearing our words, Aaron became convinced that his arm would be 'healed'.  No more would he be different.  No longer would he be unable to do what Ben and Elijah can do.  He wanted to be made whole.  Break.My.Heart.

It was obvious to Aaron when he woke up from the anesthesia that the surgery did not do what he was envisioning.  Because of this, over the last weeks, Aaron has been mourning the reality that when his arm comes out of his cast, it will not meet the deepest desires of his heart.  It is at night when I am tucking him into bed that the grief spills out.  He wants the cast off.  He wants his arm fixed.  He wants to be like his brothers. 

It has not helped matters that twice in the last week he has fallen.  Scary falls.  Both times he has landed on his casted arm.  Fortunately the cast protected the arm but the trauma of falling, the pain, the frustration, the loss are more than his little heart can bear.  It grieves us both as we watch our son process the reality of his physical limitations.  This surgery has opened his eyes wide and it is only going to get worse as the cast is removed and the miracle he has longed for does not come to fruition.

What can we say?  How can we comfort our littlest?  He is just a little guy who has suffered so much on so many levels.  My heart hurts for him.  I just don't know what to say.

25 comments:

  1. praying for him. praying for you. i don't have the words but i know the Father hears his and your groanings. tears and prayers,

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  2. Praying his joy will return soon. Poor guy!

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  3. Poor sweet Aaron...

    tell him that I will show his picture to my Henry when he gets bigger and needs surgery...

    and tell him that will be when Aaron is a big boy and will be able to do almost everything his big brothers can...

    www.bringinghenry.blogspot.com

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  4. I can so remember that pain. :( When our little guy was 6, the doctors told him they were going to help him walk. He too thought he was going to have surgery and he would wake up walking and running just like his brothers... Even though they told him he would be in a cast, nothing prepared him for the reality to come. Extreme pain, a body cast that was on for MONTHS, and then serial casts for months longer.... (he had a bilateral fermoral osteotomy and aducter releases)
    It was a full year, before he was able to stand... and at the 11 month point, he nearly gave up. He was sad and depressed and weak in his body. We prayed together, and I told him, "sweety, you are so close, just try a little bit more, but if you decide it is too much and you choose to be in a wheel chair from now on, I'll love you and agree with your decision.... but just a little bit longer..... ok?"
    That gave him the courage he needed to try a little longer, and then, he was able to walk.... not like his brothers, but like HIM.... God gave him what he needed, just like God has given Aaron what he NEEDS.....and that is all that matters.

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  5. This comes from a place of not having a child with a physical disability so I can in no way claim to understand. But maybe, just maybe, he doesn't need to be fixed. Maybe he can learn to live with his beautiful little arms as they are. Maybe he doesn't have to endure many more surgeries that will ultimately let him down.

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  6. Many, many prayers for your sweet Aaron, and his Mama & Papa.

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  7. So sad and sorry for my littlest cousin. Praying for you all.

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  8. We have told our son that he is "fearfully and wonderfully made". This is how God made him and this was God's plan for his life before the foundation of the world and that he is beautiful! We tell him that this is exactly how God wanted him to be made and we can't wait to see how he will use this for God's glory! We tell him that he can do anything through Christ who strengthens him!!!

    Of course we are doing all we can surgically to help him breath and make his appearance not be so shocking to others (though we don't see it). But that will never fix the fact that he will never see out of one eye and his face will look different than others'.

    He gets frustrated by the way he looks and says he wants his eye 'fixed' and we tell him we will do whatever we can to do that but that this is the way God made him and he is perfect in God's eyes and our eyes! That is what we do and say.

    Praying for you and precious Aaron!

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  9. Praying for your family, especially sweet Aaron.

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  10. You should read this blog once in a while. I believe they also have several kids adopted from Ukraine.

    smilesandtrials.blogspot.com

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  11. precious, precious boy. praying for your sweet little guy that God will fill him up with good things and restore Joy to Aaron's heart today.

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  12. Poor little guy. . . my heart breaks for him, and I wish he could understand what a role model he is becoming for little ones like Henry and, soon, my Joshua. Perhaps it would be good therapy for him if you were able to focus a few very fun upcoming activities on what he CAN do and spend some time focusing on his abilities. Not to suggest that you don't already do this - but having jobs that *need* his help when it's the kind of help he can give, etc. Just something to boost his sense of self-worth while he's processing his limitations. Have you ever let him paint using his feet to hold the brush? Or his teeth? I'm sure there are youtube videos of artists who create in this manner. . . Grasping for any idea that might make his heart sing. . .

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  13. No answers for you, but I will be praying.

    Brooke
    www.TheAnnessaFamily.blogspot.com

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  14. Praying for his little heart. I can't even imagine what he must feel.

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  15. I know exactly what your talking about Julia yet we are about to begin the long journey for Madeline. She's convinced that after her first surgery she's going to ride a purple bike. We've been doing a lot of praying for God's grace to be very real for her. Praying for all of you.

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  16. give aron lots of love and try to be positive the hurt of able body will never go away i know because i have cp and i get mad sometimes maybe u can try to find another person around his age to conect with good luck

    az

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  17. I feel for you. Soon I will have to tell my ds, age 9, about his mental diagnosis (FASD) and explain what this means for him. It breaks my heart, for him and for Aaron. Life can be so cruel. But I do find comfort in Anonymous' post above.

    Prayers being said for you.

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  18. The only thing you can do is cry with him, while cheering his victories. So many of us think we have to be strong, but I think, especially for a mom, it is good sometimes to just break down with him and let him see that you grieve with him. His pain is your pain. I have a 16 yo son whose tall, thin frame led to a collapsed lung, leaving him nearly anorexic looking and he has now dropped out of his sport for the year. Nothing like what Aaron is facing, but I think my ability to empathize through the pain and disappointment with body helped him and helped us grow closer. We read that same fearfully made passage in the hospital; sometimes the Bible is hard to understand...like Job. I haven't seen the silver lining in my son's cloud.
    Sherry

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  19. Praying for God to wrap His arms around you all and give you all peace esp. Aaron.

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  20. You hit the nail on the head. There really is nothing you can say that will take the sorrow away. You can simply be with him.... it's hard. But being with him speaks volumes of comfort! I've been there many times over the years, with all three of my girls. Blessings to you!

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  21. he has his momma to love him, his daddy to protect him, his brothers to make him laugh. Yes his eyes are opened to the joys God has given to us, that so many take for granted.
    Yes he will grieve, but he will not grieve alone, he will be circled in love and because of that love he will heal emotionally and physically.
    Many prayers

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  22. Ohhh, poor little guy! Break my heart! :( So sorry that this has been so difficult for Aaron. Praying for peace and comfort for him, wisdom for you, and praying that he will be protected from any further falls!

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  23. Thank you for your comment about Emory. I treasure your prayers for him.

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  24. Praying for your family. I know this must be tearing you up. May you blessed beyond measure.

    Tammy, ON, Canada

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  25. Oh I know that mommy heart well with boy's and their surgeries. It is sooo hard, harder than if we had birthed them I believe. I feel that Bryson always goes back to a place where I can not reach him when he is hurting. He goes back to those days in the hotel room where he cried to go back to all he knew the orphanage. It was only because I knew better that I did not return him to what he thought he wanted. It is the same with his upcoming major surgery that I have to remind myself that we will have to bear his grief again knowing what lies beyond the surgery.

    Praying for you as I FEEL your pain as I read your post!

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Loving words from kind people make our hearts glad!

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