Sometimes It's Hard.

Sometimes it's hard.

It's hard to watch my little guy with his little hands that struggle to work.

Sometimes it's hard.

Christmas Day with the guns was one of those times. 

While his brothers and his Papa played freely with the guns at Christmas.

While his cousins after arriving pulled and shot to their heart's delight...

Aaron was left out in the cold.

He couldn't work the gun.

Sometimes it's hard.

I tried to find guns that he could work.  I stood in the store for an hour checking out every one.  Trying hard to fulfill Aaron's desire for a 'shooter gun'.  I thought I had found the perfect gun.  The trigger was loose, it was small and looked easy to manage.

But when we took it out of the box and tested it on Christmas Day we knew it was another fail for Aaron.  He could cock it using his legs and a string around his neck but once the gun was cocked - the trigger tightened.  He could not shoot the gun.

Yes we could shoot it for him while he half-held it.  But it wasn't the same.

So in the midst of our Christmas chaos - with his brothers, his Papa, his cousins enjoying the guns and the darts - our little guy was left out again. 

It stung.

He showed himself no pity though.  Despite the hurt that was nestled deep in his heart - our little guy made the best of a harsh situation.  He laughed.  He cheered.  He collected bullets.  He held the bucket.  He withstood being shot and he stayed in the midst of the battles that raged.  

It humbled me to see my little guy laughing and playing in the midst of the chaos. Finding joy though he was experiencing such loss.  I know few in this world who would stay and play in the midst of such disappointment.  Most would run off and hide.  Rant and rave at what they do not have.  Throw fits and shout angry words at all who would hear.

Aaron stayed.

I was proud beyond words of my little guy who has had so many strikes against him.  I was proud that he didn't walk away.  I was proud of the joy he exuded.  I was proud of my son on Christmas Day.

But I also grieved and my Mama's heart was crying out that just once - just once - I would like to see him be able to play as they are playing.  To enjoy life as they are enjoying life.  To take part as they are taking part.  Sometimes I just wish my little boy had hands that worked.

Sometimes it's hard.