Little Boy Gone

This morning I am driving my son to the airport.

We will spend the two hours in the car talking and laughing and sharing.

I will cherish our time together.  Mom and Son. 

Last night he walked into the office and I was sitting there weeping.

My Hanson.

Gone.
 

I haven't advocated much in the last few months.  I've been exhausted and our schedule has been crazy and Aaron's surgeries really took their toll.  I've also been saddened deeply by a lot of muck happening in the adoption world.  Muck that makes advocating hard.  Yelling for the kids hard.  Raising money hard.  

 

But in the midst of our schedule and Aaron's surgeries and the muck happening... three new boys were listed from Aaron's institute.

 

They were listed at least six weeks ago.

 

I wanted to yell about them.  I wanted to share.  I wanted to show you their faces.

 

But I was afraid that in light of everything, I wouldn't do it right and they would go lost.  Unnoticed.

 

But they NEEDED someone to notice them so yesterday... yesterday..... I posted about them.

 

If anyone had been paying attention they would have noticed that when I listed the Lost Boys at Aaron's institute - I only included FOUR pictures.

 

These four boys.


      Pearson                                                           Dagmar
      $5,206.00                                                        $5,197.00

  

 

                                                    Grady                                               Porter 

                                                 $5,197.00                                           $7,600.00

 

 

I left one off.

 

Hanson.

 

 

I struggled.  I prayed.  I considered.   I chose to leave him off.

 

Not because I didn't love him because I loved him dearly.

 

I left him off because I didn't know if he was alive.

 

I was afraid he had died.  I was almost certain he had died.

In my deepest heart I knew he was with Jesus.

 

So I cut him from the list of Lost Boys. 

I wrote my blogpost yesterday and wondered.... wondered... would anyone notice that Hanson was not there.

 

He was the boy that was easy to miss.  The crib boy.  The one picture little guy who barely had anyone inquire about him.

 

No one noticed.  In fact... if I want to be completely and totally honest here - No one even really commented on my blogpost yesterday.  I had a few likes on FB.  I had ONE NICE comment.  I had one comment that I deleted. 

 

That was it.

 

Three NEW Lost Boys listed and One Lost Boy missing and barely a blip on the radar. 

I WAS REALLY REALLY SAD!!

WE HAVE PRAYED FOR YEARS FOR MORE BOYS TO BE LISTED FROM THAT INSTITUTE AND YESTERDAY I ANNOUNCED THAT THERE ARE THREE NEW BOYS AND NOTHING.... NOTHING.
 

 

Then yesterday afternoon I received a private message.  My worst fear had come true.  Hanson had died. 

 

He died.

 

Alone.  Most likely stiff in his crib.  I can see them carrying him out - a caretaker on each end - lugging his body up the walk.  Another dead child.  Two in the last year.  Hanson and Sasha. 

 

  

I wept.

Ben just stood and looked at me weeping for a child across the ocean.

Hanson was in our Mulligan Stew for two years.

Over and over and over again I shared about him and begged for a family.

No one ever even came close to inquiring about him.

He was the unnoticed boy in the crib across the way.

That is how he died too.

I want to bang my head against the wall and weep and wail.

I have no words.

Five Lost Boys are now Four.

I will drive my son to the airport today.

He's crossing the ocean to a country where I left my heart.

I will cry when I hug him goodbye.

I will walk to my car and drive away and have myself a good hard weeping fest.

My tears will be a mixture of goodbyes and sorrows.

My son will cross the ocean today.

A little boy died across that same ocean.

He deserved much more than he was given.

Four boys remain.

They deserve so much more then they have been given too.

Porter.  Pearson.  Grady.  Dagmar.

Four Lost Boys. 

I cannot let outside influences keep me from being their voice. 

I cannot worry that my words will be lost in the drama.

If we do not yell for them.  Who will?  Who will?

Hanson deserved so much more.

So do they.

To all of you who lovingly gave to his grant account - to you who prayed - to you who shared and cared about him - to you who are shedding tears along with me over him - THANK YOU.  Thank you for loving him.  Thank you for grieving.  Thank you for rejoicing that he is now safe, free and forever in the presence of the Father to the Fatherless.



Hanson's baby picture - discovered just this week!

Hanson's money was split between the three new Lost Boys. 

Please keep yelling with me. 

We can't save them all.  And sometimes we lose some.  And sometimes we get sidetracked by the world.  But we can make a difference.  I've seen that difference.  I've held in my arms that difference.  I've hugged families who crossed the ocean because we were working hard to make a difference.

Please let us not be sidetracked. 

"Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

We cannot give up.

Please.

We cannot give up.


There are Lost Boys and Lost Girls across the ocean who need to be found.


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