Survival Mode

 

I have her picture on the background of my computer.

 

 

Two different screens in my office, both with her little eyes staring at me.

 

I have to be honest.

 

I stopped breathing in October.  The day Rob messaged me and told me to call the social worker.  I stopped breathing.  The in and out of breath in my lungs is not really breathing right now.  It is just survival mode.

 

We finished our homestudy.  It is done.  But we are waiting.  Each state we have lived in since we were 18 has to clear us.  8 states total between the two of us.  We need clearances from 8 states.  We have half of them. 

 

Breath in and out.  Breath in and out. 

 

We are working on our yearly Christmas letter and picture.  Tucked into the letter this year will be an extra picture and letter.  A call to prayer.  For our little girl. 

 

A family was in her institute this past week.  I hoped, prayed they would see her.  Even a glimpse.  Nothing.

 

Breath in and out.  In and out.

 

 

Harper