Thursday, November 11, 2010

Feeble Prayers

    There are times when I just don't know how to pray.  I am at one of those times right now.  I confess - since we have been home I've struggled.  Our family has struggled.  Our building business has gone where most building businesses have gone in the current economy - in the gutter.  We don't know where to go from here.  We have a house on the market that needed to sell yesterday.  We are hanging on by a thread.  Tomorrow, we take Aaron to Shriner's.  I'm scared.  I know that what they tell us is going to be hard to hear.  We are bracing ourselves for the worst.  The last year has taken a toll on us.  Physically I am still recovering.  I have a ways to go to get back what I lost.  What we saw in Aaron's country hurt us.  Deeply.  We are trying desperately to sort through where we go from here.  What God allowed us to see changed us.  I  can't even express in words what sits on my heart.  Our hearts.  There are other issues.  Unspoken struggles.  And for all of these, I just don't know how to pray.  My words are feeble.  My mind is a jumbled mess.   It was easier when we were in Aaron's country.  Somehow it was easier to pray, to ask for help, to cry out to God in the craziness of those hours.  It is not easy now.  Finding pictures of Lost Boys, hearing my husband struggle on the phone over our business, facing tomorrow - I have no proper prayers to offer for the struggles on my heart - our hearts.  Just fumbling words to the One whom I know listens.  That's it.  Just feeble, pitiful cries.  I wouldn't mind if you joined with me at this point. I confess - I could really use some company.


  1. Julia,
    Go read my post from yesterday. My husband and I have struggled with some of this that you are struggling with. Remember the poem, Footsteps, that is you being carried by God, this is us lifting you up in prayer. Love ya.

    Love wins(I promise),
    Renee Tam

  2. Absolutely joining with you in prayer, my friend. God did not bring you to the other side of the world, only to bring you home and leave you high and dry. I know you know that. I also know it is nearly impossible to imagine the good that is coming in some of these struggles! There is something waiting RIGHT around the corner. I's going to leap in front of you it's so close! It's going to take Rob in a career direction he never imagined.

  3. Praying over Romans 8 for you today. Your prayers are faithful.

  4. Sent up a prayer for you. Our small business failed a year ago in January, with two awful years leading up to it. We have taken it day by day, and it has been a struggle but God's grace has been enough (though at times I had my doubts!) My heart goes out to you guys in this trying time. Please trust that God is with you and understands your feeble prayers and is holding each tear you shed in his hands. I am trusting that all this is happening for a purpose and one day we will see it as foundation that much good was built upon. Peace be with you...

  5. Sweet Julia,
    When we do not have any words left, the Holy Spirit hears our prayers. You were given this gift to share this with us. Keep the faith.
    Love and Praying,

  6. I'm not the best person when it comes to writing what I need to say, but I do know how to lift up those who are hurting and need our Heavenly Father's warm arms wrapped around them in a time of need. Julie I'm praying for,.. "the peace of God which passes all understanding shall keep your heart and mind through Jesus Christ.( Phil. 4:7) BIG HUGS

  7. Dear Julia & family,
    Please know that you are in our prayers. We will be thinking of you and Aaron tomorrow and hoping that the doctors are positive and encouraging. We are still praying that a buyer will come along soon for the house you are trying to sell. Sorry to hear that you are all going through a rough time.


  8. Julia, I can not even count the number of times you have been the first to post your encouragement and your prayers for me in this crazy journey that we have been on. I have been so blessed by your honesty and the way that you share your heart, and your wonderful words. I have laughed with you, and cried with you, and now I will promise to pray with you. For your family, for your finances, and for your healing phsically, mentally, emotionally, and most especially spiritually. Though we have never met, I am bless to call you my friend. I have learned through this journey that God supplies our needs, sometimes crying out to others is what we need to do, knowing that there are others who love us and care enough to help, and to pray makes it easier. He hears... where two or more are gathered... God bless you dear Julia. Love, prayers, & many hugs!

  9. I don't remember who or where, but I was once told that even without eloquence or real words God knows what is in our hearts, we have to just turn to Him, open up, give it to Him--cry out like you are. I think another way to say it is take it to the cross and leave it there. Are you following a financial ministry? We can recommend, but there are others too. Have you thought about renting the house you have for sale? We are walking with your family, making the least we've ever made, carrying about 15k in debt on credit cards from a difficult birth and dip in my husband's renovation business(paying it off with Crown's guidence), and possibly expecting our next child :)
    It's scary, you have to lean on God, you have to give the worry and anxiousness and pain in your heart to Him. This is a verb, "lean", you have to physically do it, it just doesn't happen when you give up. It's a conscious decision, a mental letting go. Once my husband and I gave our lives, our finances, our child and future children, and our emotions to Jesus we were suddenly able to function, to give to others, to process things we saw/experienced with the birth of our daughter and almost losing her. Give the Lost Boys to the Lord, don't forget about them, but give them to Him. Jesus will take care of them, things are in the works, things that you and I can't even fathom let alone see. My prayers and heart are with you in your time of pain.

  10. I am a bit of a blog stalker of yours. Your words, and story, have given us such faith and hope.

    I pray that you find comfort in your struggles and renewed faith in the creator who truly has your best well being at heart.

    God bless you and your sweet family! Your honesty is so welcomed.

    Wishing you a heart full of sunshine!

  11. You are in my prayers and on God's heart

  12. Julia, yesterday I was burdened for you and was praying as I was running errands. I almost sent you a message on FB to let you know and to ask you if you were OK. I didn't get it done due to the press of my own day, but I want you to know that the ONE WHO KNOWS whispered your name to me to lift up to Him in prayers yesterday. That means you are NOT alone. You are NOT forgotten. Hang on until the morning comes. . . I don't know how God is going to bless and keep you, but I'm sure that He will somehow--some way. Your obedience to Him and to His calling have been a blessing and encouragement to many, and I have no doubt that God is going, "Have you considered my servants, Rob and Julia?" to Satan. Hang in there . . . Satan may be doing all he can--but God WILL PREVAIL.

  13. Julia, I have no words either. But I will sit with you at God's feet - speechless.

  14. Thinking about you Julia...and praying.

  15. Julia, I'll be praying for you and your family. I pray that you will find comfort and peace during this busy and stressful time. Your prayers in times like this can be the most difficult- and the most important. You don't need to use any words. Just be with Him. He will give you the strength, hope, faith, trust, and love that you need. God will provide. Keep trusting Him. Do what you can do, and He will take care of the rest.

    Sending angels,

  16. Hi Julia,
    If you are coming to Shriners in Philly and would like to save some cab fare PLEASE let me know. My Name is Becky and although I am a total stranger to you I have been following your blog for a while now. I live about two minutes from the airport and I've been to Shriners with my daughterwhen she was a baby. I'm not sure if you know Tammy E. (Sophie and Ben's mom,they are another RR family)but on one of their trips here we gave them a ride from the airport and we're hoping to connect again soon. Even if you don't need any rides please keep my number handy. I would be happy to help with anything while you are here in town.
    Becky Wright

  17. Julia- My heart hurts for you.

    I've been told that when you don't know what to pray, say the Lord's Prayer. He will hear you and will know exactly how to help.

    I'll say it for you too-

    Much love-

  18. I Just realized that you might not be flying in to Philly but really if you need anything while you are here please don't hesitate to call!
    Becky (again)

  19. Oh Julia,
    You ARE doing your part just by looking up and crying out! That is not feeble. That is powerful. HE wants us to come to Him as little children. Little children cry out! HE knows your heart, your mind, your needs, your fears. HE knows where you are going, what you will face tomorrow. HE knows it all. Try to rest. Even if you don't feel His presence, He is right there.

    Have you ever seen a potter making a vase? Sometimes, when the vase is taking shape, the potter suddenly senses a different purpose, or a better way to show off the depth and beauty of the clay. At that moment, he crushes down his handiwork into a shapeless mass once again. Slowly, he sets to work anew, with a better purpose, but he NEVER takes his hands off the clay. He holds it firm and steady.

    Once, during a difficult time in my life, the Lord gave me this picture. I remember feeling held, sometimes squeezed and pinched, but held, supported and guided. I am praying that you will feel the hands of the Potter as he reshapes your beautiful family into His perfect design for your lives.

    Love and prayers, from a sister in Christ.

  20. I have been reading your blog for awhile now. Lurking. Praying. Rejoycing.
    I am not sure why I am coming out now to post after all this time except to say, I care.

  21. I'm not sure how to make things easier, but I want to help. I don't know how. But I know that I am forever indebted to you for bringing Aaron home!

  22. Oh, Julia, you just prayed a most heartfelt prayer in your post. I read it to my husband and we sat and cried. It was a beautiful prayer, even though you didn't mean it to be one. He was listening!

  23. Julia,

    Praying for you and with you. The Lord is using you, please know that. You guys are a blessing to so many - you are a blessing to the children!

  24. Definitely praying. I know a lot of what you are feeling. It is hard.

    Christa in NC

  25. Julia - I have been praying for and your family. I posted yesterday as anonymous about the failure of my husband's small business last year. I have been following your blog that I found thru Reece's Rainbow (a friend just recently brought home 2 children with DS from the Ukraine - The Watkins family - their blog is NEVER A DULL MOMENT). I find the mininstry amazing and wanted to do what I could, so I started checking blogs and praying for traveling and recently home families. Your blog sucked me in, I have been reading it since July-ish.

    ANYWAY, now that I have (hopefully) established I'm not some weird cyper stalker I will finally get to the point. :) During my prayers for you, I felt led to offer to connect on the issue of having a struggling small business. I feel like over the last 3 years God has turned our life upside down and it has very much tested my faith and my marriage. What I found is that I really had no one in my life that could even begin to understand our situation and my husband and I felt very isolated and so alone in our struggles. I want to say that I am here if you would like a sister in Christ to listen to you, pray with you, and offer a "been there" perspective on the whole business situation. I also have a blog, it is my daily prayer and bible study journal. I will share the blog information if you want (it is invitation only) and can also share more information about myself (my story, my family, my church involvement, etc) but don't want to overload you.

    Please don't feel pressured here, this is just something I wanted to offer and know that whatever you choose I will continue to pray for you and your family. I just want to do what I can to bless you and support you as you walk thru this valley.

    Finally...I know you review comments before posting them. PLEASE DON'T POST THIS COMMENT. The demise of our business and the associated pain is still fresh for my husband and I, I'm just not comfortable putting it out there for all eyes to read about at this point. My name is pretty unusual and our town small, many people from our church follow the blogs since our friends adopted. I also work in the mental health field (can be more specific about that later) so I am pretty careful about what I share about myself on public forums because of the patients I serve. Thank you for your consideration, I pray things look brighter today. Thank you for not posting this comment on your public forum!

    Here is my email if you are interested:

  26. Lifting you up in prayer. The Father knows your needs, just turn to Him, even if you cannot find any word but Abba, Father.

  27. Blog stalker "coming out" here to share my favorite prayer. When I don't know what else to pray - "God, help me to know your will and then to do it."

    Prayers for your family. After spending way too much time reading your blog - time that *should* have been spent keeping my home and taking care of other business - I then spent even more time on Reese's Rainbow and shared two little guys with my husband. If he said, "let's go" I'd be there yesterday. Last night he might have moved from, "I don't know," to, "someday." For now, we'll keep sponsoring a little guy in China - but don't think for ONE MINUTE that this blog is "just a blog." You are moving hearts.

  28. I'm so sorry it has been so hard. I can relate ...our situation is different of course--as we adjust to more needs in the family and a big move. Despite the challenges on the homefront I can't stop thinking about the many who still need families and is consuming (and I only saw the orphanage...not the institution). I can only imagine how even harder it would be to deal with that. I was watching a video about adoption and the man said something to the effect that we don't have to figure it all out (the big picture--how to solve the problem)...God is in control ...but we are called to not just get convicted but to do something! I want to help them all too. I know our hands are very full right now and we can't adopt more ourselves right now but we can share what we learned and be a voice...which you are being right now, even though its painful! Continue to love the precious one He gave to you. God has a plan and it is ultimately for good.
    "Do not grow weary in doing good for at the proper time you will reap a harvest if you do not give up." (I can't remember at the moment where in the Bible that is :)
    We'll be praying for you as you seek answers for Aaron and thanking God that he is here where he can finally get his needs addressed, and that he has a family who loves him.
    the ADamsons

  29. I am praying that the Lord would use the following verses to comfort you and fill you with hope today: "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."
    Lamentations 3:22-23

  30. Dear Julia,
    From your blog list, it looks like you enjoy reading blogs. The Lajoy Family blog over the past year follows not only the family's older children adoption, but also Cindy's struggles emotionally and faithful prayers through it all. I find her words and path to be incredibly uplifting, even though there were a couple of points when she was entirely discouraged. Through her journal, you can see her finally beginning to pick her emotions back up, nearly a year after their adoption. Like you (and us), they have struggled with finances and health issues for the children. These children can be overwhelming, and the thousands it takes to bring them home creates incredible hardship on most of us. Through it all Cindy is faithful and insightful, and I bet you recognize yourself in her words at some point or other. We are just now planning our adoption flights, and I have promised to try to remember her path when, next year, I may falter myself. As I have urged her on several occasions, you need to give yourself permission to be less than perfect, and to allow yourself time to wallow in the PTSD symptoms you may be feeling. Don't beat yourself up because you can't bounce back all perky and upbeat after going through the experiences you did. Try as they might to gloss over it, being in a mental health orphanage is the valley of the shadow of death and its sorrow cannot help but weigh you down. We leave to pick up two girls both destined for that horrid path, identified as delayed and segregated from the "normal" community. The children they are with are much lower functioning than they are, and I know our reactions will be similar to yours. Survivors' guilt for plucking the "best" ones out, relief that we can rescue our daughters, regret for those left behind...I know we will be changed. Give yourself time to recover, and ultimately I know you will find your sea legs and your purpose again. And, don't worry about being strong enough to support Aaron through difficult health issues; compared to getting him out, this will be a piece of cake, as you will be fighting toward improvement, not fighting against descent into the abyss. In Al-anon, there is a concept, "fake it till you make it," and it means act happy until you really are. So, accept that you are wounded and grieving, give yourself permission to stay that way for awhile, and in your daily life "fake it" till you find you are back to your old self.
    God bless,

  31. My eyes teared up reading this post. I'm so sorry for all your struggles. I pray for your family and business often and will continue to do so.

  32. The Spirit prays for us in groans that cannot be uttered. When we don't know what to pray, He prays through us. Your heart for these boys is shining through. I really can't imagine the heaviness and depth of the burden that God has put on you but I think you can know that he didn't put it on you to destroy you but to use you. Praying for you.
    Joy, RR

  33. Julia, I have no words either. I'm praying for the Lord to give you PEACE in all that you are dealing with. God is faithful!

  34. I am with you now in prayer.


Loving words from kind people make our hearts glad!


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