Their Choice

Given a choice of whether to stay home, attend swimming and basketball, watch TV and eat junk food, relax without Mom giving them jobs to do every 10 minutes and experience 2 solid days free of their little brother underfoot...

Given the choice to stay home or drive 6 hours one way to Philly, sit in a crowded mini-van with little leg space for their ever-growing bodies, spend a night in a hotel without a pool, stand around the hospital all day Friday with nothing to do... given that choice....

They chose Aaron. 

They chose to go.  Without hesitation.  Without any pause between question and answer.  Both of them.  Discussions over.  Despite the warnings about the long ride and the long day.  Despite the discomfort of one of them sleeping on the floor and the other sharing a bed with the floppy little brother.  Despite it all, they chose Aaron. 

People wonder if adoption is fair to the biological children.  Is it right to force them to accept this new brother or sister into their home?  Doesn't it make them feel less loved, pushed aside?  Wouldn't they be jealous and hurt?  Won't it take away from them since you will have less time and money for them?  Shouldn't you wait until they are grown? 

I can't speak for anyone else.  All I can say is, they chose Aaron.  They chose their little brother.  They chose to go stand by his side and hold his hands because they love him.  He is their brother.  Completely.  Fully.  Theirs.  Grafted into their hearts, their minds.  Their lives are no longer complete without him in it.  He's their obnoxious, bossy, unbelievably cute, grumpy, funny, loud and silly little brother.  With all of his quirks and all of his style. 

They chose Aaron.  They chose love. 

They chose love despite what the adoption cost them.  And it was costly beyond belief.  It involved months and months of non-stop stress.  It affected every aspect of their lives as we had to weigh their activities, their wants, their needs with how it would affect the process to get Aaron.  It included chaos and tears, loneliness and sorrow.  They carried a huge burden on their shoulders.  The one traveled to another country in the absolute hottest time of the year without air conditioning or even a fan until RR friends intervened.   He spent a week walking the grounds of a closed mental institute. He saw and experienced things that shocked him to the core.   He is still processing and working through those weeks.  The other was left behind.  Twice.  That wasn't what we had planned.  He wanted to go but could not.  That hurt deeply.  He too is processing and working through what being left behind meant. 

Both of them lived through 6 solid weeks with just the two of them in the house to keep them company.   Alone.    Two brothers.  Waiting, waiting, waiting for the new little brother.  They were privy to all that took place with the adoption.  They knew every single part of the story, everything we couldn't blog about, everything we couldn't say, and because of that, they grieved, they cried, they struggled.  They were afraid.  Their parents were on the other side of the world.  The uncertainty of it all came with a heavy price.  They were forced to pray harder than they had ever prayed before for their parents and for this little brother whom they had yet to love.  They shed more tears in those months than ever before in their lives.  Our family went through fire to bring back one child.  But when given the choice - they chose Aaron.

I no longer wonder if it was right to force a new sibling into their lives.  I don't doubt that decision.  They love him.  He's their brother.  They fight with him.  They argue with him.  They get mad at him.  They are glad when he is tucked in bed at night so they can have peace for a few hours.  They get tired of tripping over his toys and hate having to clean up his messes.  They enjoy the times when he is occupied, and they can play their games without him.  But... Spend a short afternoon in our house and you will see why I don't question our decision. 

Ben and Elijah love Aaron.  They just dearly love him.  He is the most hugged, held, tickled and entertained little boy on the planet.  His big brothers look out for him in a way that brings tears to my eyes - every day.  Every single day.  They went through fire so that we could get him, but instead of anger and resentment, instead of bitterness and jealousy - they choose love.  And knowing that Friday will hurt him, will cause him grief and agony, knowing that having casts put on his legs will cause him to cry and fight, knowing this - they choose to stand with him.  Hold his hand.  Encourage him.  Help him. 

That's love.  Their choice.  Their hearts.  Godly hearts.  Godly minds.  My boys growing into men.