Wednesday, April 1, 2015

The Longest Day


Monday was a day that we would both like to forget, if we could.



Early Monday morning, Harper said no-- not a wavering no, but a firm, unmistakable no. So we said the saddest of goodbyes to the precious daughter we had hoped to welcome into our family.

The timing of her response left us an entire day with nothing to do but kick ourselves. Where did we go wrong? Did we lose our way? What should we do now?

Late in the longest day either of us can remember, we took the overnight train back to the capital for another DAP appointment and a chance at another child.

We departed with heavy hearts, but no hard feelings. We absolutely adore Harper, and wish her all the best of everything. Perhaps if nothing else, our visit helped prepare her heart so that if and when another family comes for her, she'll be ready to say yes.

As for us, we've accepted another referral from DAP, and are heading out to region to meet our new prospect either tonight or tomorrow. Much as we'd like to share, we think it best not to speak publicly about our new referral until we know more about it ourselves.

With God's help, we hope to have good news and smiling pictures for everyone within a few days.


 

45 comments:

  1. hope all goes swimmingly with new referral. so sorry to hear about Harper.

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  2. Oh Julia! I am certainly sorry.... but, only for Harper. She is the one that needs guidance. I just know that your on the path to a bigger need. This next adventure is certainly picked by the King!

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  3. Julia--I am so, so sorry. What a heartbreaking time for you and your family. We are praying for you to find peace with this decision and strength to move forward. Some things are so hard to understand.

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  4. Oh, I am so very sorry! I will be praying as you meet your new child. Please keep us posted.

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  5. I'm so sorry, Julia. Perhaps God has a special destiny for her in her home country. But...prayers for all of you.

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  6. I am so sorry. Praying for your hearts and minds as you move forward, trusting in His plan for your family.

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  7. Many prayers to you and for your son(s). I am sure it's hard for him to understand as you may understand (your head not your heart), but it's so complex and he must see your sadness. I hope another child receives your precious gifts and that Harper finds her happiness too. Beautiful people- all of you.

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  8. Oh, Lord. Please show your love, your wisdom, your comfort. Please speak to Harper and speak to the Nalles and be the great God we know you are.

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  9. Julia, I'm so sorry. It's such a young age to give a child the final decision. Her nannies must be so sad for her as well. I'll pray for your next referral.

    Sue

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  10. I am so incredibly sorry. We will continue to pray for you all. He is faithful - always.

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  11. Julia and Rob--

    I'm so sorry. Now that I have started praying regularly again, you're in my prayers: three times a day, every day but the Sabbath. (We don't ask God for help, favors, or anything else on the Sabbath; God gets to rest too.)

    With Love,
    Sarah

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  12. Such a heartbreaking decision! Such a sad day! I hope you will find peace of mind and strength, and I also hope that sweet Harper will have her heart healed so that she can trust again. I truly hope your new journey will bring you an unexpected blessing!

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  13. Oh, my heart. So sorry you are all going through this. It's not exactly the same, of course, but I experienced a miscarriage between my two children. And when my son was born, many people said, 'oh, but this is what was meant to be. These are the children you were meant to have.' And I know this is true, but we still think about it, and feel it, and miss the sweet one that we don't hold but still love. The grief has diminished over time, but it is still there in the background, and at times we wonder - what would s/he be like? How would s/he fit in this life of ours? - even as we love the two beautiful children that are here with us. We aren't mired in what might have been, but we try to honor and respect the sadness when it comes up - sometimes unexpectedly - in the midst of the overwhelming joy that is our family life. These two great emotions can (and do!) co-exist - the grief, and the joy. Hopefully not oversharing or overstepping, but trying to say: give yourselves permission to experience both in the days ahead. Lifting you up, and looking forward to your next update.

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  14. So sorry for your disappointment and heartbreak. I was praying that angels would be sent to whisper words of comfort in Harper's ears as she slept. Still praying that she finds hope and comfort in the Lord and that he will guide her future. Praying for your whole family, may the Lord guide you in your journey will and help you understand his direction.

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  15. I am so sorry. I'm praying for Harper's heart, for God's will to be done, for the right child to say yes, and for all of you in your grieving process.

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  16. :-( praying for little Harper! May God provide for all her needs throughout her life and bring her close to Him!
    Praying for this new referral as well! May God guide your steps!

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  17. I've been following your blog for a while, so sorry if I look like a total stranger stalking your blog. Your story is a blessing to me and Aaron is a beautiful little boy.
    I'm so very sorry that Harper said no. I was worried she would. She seems so scared to leave what is comfortable and that sounds pretty familiar to me, very similar to how I was as a little girl. Even if it wasn't a perfect situation, I was more likely to say that I wanted to stay where I was.
    I pray this experience softens her heart to daughterhood and that she'll have another chance before she ages out.
    <3 Prayers for your new child!

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  18. I hope this doesn't post twice... I've been thinking about you all and came to check on your progress and just saw this post... I'm so sorry. I'm praying for your hearts, and Aarons. Also praying that God is already preparing the heart of your new child. His timing is perfect. Saying a special prayer for Harper and her family as well, wherever they might be.

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  19. Julia and Rob, So sorry to hear that Harper said No, at this juncture. I was praying and hoping otherwise. The Lord's ways are not ours. Looking forward to seeing the pictures of the new precious child that is waiting. May this Easter be a most memorable Easter. Blessed Easter!

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  20. It's hard. I'm so sorry. Hoping for some better news soon!

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  21. Oh Julie, my heart breaks for you all. That is really sad, but like you said so beautifully....God is in control and you have helped with her foundation for the future. Praying for your newest blessing to meet! Can't wait to "hear" more! Love you!

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  22. Emerging from lurking to say I'm so, so sorry. Adoption is really a rollercoaster, isn't it. My heart goes out to you all - it's a lot of hope and expectation to let go of all at once, and it must be really difficult and painful. I hope you have a wonderful happy ending waiting for you down the road.

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  23. I hope this helps you all in the waiting:
    http://katebattistelli.com/faith/8-ways-to-live-in-the-waiting/

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  24. I am so sorry Nalle family. I hope you will eventually feel good about this change in plans. Perhaps someone else needs you more-) Praying God's will be done.

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  25. I am so sorry, and frustrated - but know that my view is limited and God's is infinite. So - prayers for the well-being and ease for the heartache of everyone affected, especially for Harper and Aaron, and for the waiting child who may become your daughter.

    Thanks for letting us know...I hope things go much better from now on.

    Susan in Kentucky

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  26. Sorry I know the pain. You grieve for your loss like a death. But as they always say some things happen for a reason only God knows and you must trust.

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  27. I'm so sorry to read your news. Praying for you all.

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  28. I'm so sorry to hear this. Even though we believe this is part of God's perfect plan, it is so hard when things do work out the way we wish they would. I'll pray that Harper will be ready for the plan God has for her, and I'll pray that this next referral turns out to be what God had in mind all along. We had an adoption fall through, although under different circumstances. It is a loss, but kind of an unusual one. Not everyone will understand. May God hold you & your family close during this tumultuous time, and give you the wisdom and clarity to discern His will for you. God Bless!!! <3

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  29. Oh Julia. Bless you all and Harper. All I know is this......HE has a plan and Harper was part of the plan and she will always be part of this journey you guys are now on. Hugs for you hearts and prayers for the days ahead.

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  30. Lamentations 3:22
    Praying and grieving.
    God knows best but sometimes it is so hard to understand his plans.

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  31. I'm so sorry, for both you and Harper. Praying that she will have another chance, maybe in her home country.
    As for your family, I love how you dive right in for another referral, trusting Him with His perfect plan! Brave and admirable. Love from Anna in Sweden

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  32. Sending prayers that you feel God's comfort during this loss. Adoption can be so hard. Praying for the transition of another child who is meant to be yours.

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  33. Oh so, so sad. I am so sorry. She has no idea what she decided; she's too little.

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  34. So hard. I will hope and pray she has another chance.

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  35. So sorry! Praying for your family and for Harper. <3

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  36. I am so, so sorry. I am praying for you all.

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  37. (((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) and prayers. I am so sorry. We will pray for her, poor sweet girl does not understand.

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  38. I am keeping your family and Harper in my thoughts and prayers, and hoping there will be happy news soon. May Easter find you with smiles and rejoicing! Not only for the Resurrection, but for your family hopes and dreams. samm

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  39. I am so very sorry for all of you and know that you will always keep Harper in your hearts, praying for her and worrying over her. I am deeply sad for her, she will miss out on so very, very much. Praying that she will still get to know the love of a family in the future and that, as you say, this experience might prepare her for that. May God guide and protect her until her family comes.

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  40. Oh Julia, I am so sorry. I can only imagine your heartache... Although you may never understand it this side of heaven, this has not come as a surprise to Him. The cost of loving the least of these is at times so high and yet that is what He calls us to - “For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him” (Philippians 1:29). It is somehow fitting in this week leading up to Easter that you have been "granted the privilege" of suffering with Christ through loving a child who has chosen not to accept that love or the redemption that comes with it...

    Your family is in my heart and prayers as you grieve while at the same time open your hearts to another child.

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  41. Heartbreaking :,( Praying for your family and for Harper to have another chance when she is old enough to understand what she is choosing. How can a system be so broken as to follow the desires of someone so young?

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  42. So sorry I missed this part of your journey. Prayers for all. I am glad to see the one week later post though too. There will always be a spot for Harper in your heart. I asked myself how long it would take for me to stop grieving the boy we hosted who didn't want to be adopted, but he still keeps in contact and he is living with a family and not institutionalized now so I am happy for him but it hurts still 4 years later.

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  43. Dearest Julia, Rob and boys, Grieving with you the loss of Harper and through tears entrusting her to Abba who alone is capable. Blessing you with faith to proceed under His guidance as I have now read nearly a week's posts all at once. I am sure there is much to process that will have to wait for later as you embrace your 4th son and release the daughter He holds in His hands. Much love and many prayers!! What a treasure Ian turns out to be!! I love the pictures of him and Aaron thoroughly enjoying each other...what a gift!!

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Loving words from kind people make our hearts glad!

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