I'm Leaning

When we sat down in January and shared our hearts about adopting a certain little girl... when I laid out my fears and struggles and resistance - my two biggest struggles were the paperwork and the fundraising.

I could not see how in the world I could ever find the energy to do all that paperwork for a third time. I know there are many families who have done the paperwork three, four and beyond times but me... I couldn't do it. It was a mountain I did not want to climb. It was the draining force that kept me from committing in December when I knew Rob was ready to jump. It was the thousand pound weight that kept me from saying yes in January after I read his dedication in our newest book. It was the barrier that had me face planted before the Lord. I didn't want to do the paperwork.

God lifted the weight.  He removed the barrier.  One minute I am praying and fighting like a mad-woman and the next - total peace. It was nothing short of miraculous.  I went from feeling like a weight was drowning me in the ocean to a deep-sense of God's presence and a light-hearted peace that the paperwork was not only doable but easy.  Adoption paperwork is NOT easy, and in reality it hasn't been all that easy, but the entire time we have waded through the bulk of the paperwork, I did it with a peace that passed all my reasoning.  I had one meltdown in a six week period. One time in a six week period I had a stomping fit over a set of papers we had to do. One.  I can guarantee that when I did the other two sets of paperwork that I had way more than one meltdown.  Ask Rob. Ask my sons.

My other barrier and one that was even bigger than the paperwork barrier - I didn't want to fundraise.

It wasn't just that I didn't want to fundraise - it was that I really did NOT want to fundraise. 

When I sat down with Rob and I laid out my fears and struggles and resistance... I told Rob point-blank that I didn't want to fundraise.

I did NOT want to fundraise.


I just did not have it in me.  The thought of asking again for the funds we need to ransom a child was something I just couldn't bear to do again.

He looked me square in the face and said okay.  We don't have to fundraise.  He set me free.  He meant it. I meant it.

We agreed in that moment of our 'Yes' that we would just trust God to provide. If that meant selling everything and anything then okay. We would sell.  If that meant borrowing then okay. We would borrow. 


For us, it meant leaning into the Lord and letting Him carry the financial burden.

The peace that washed over me in that moment is again - beyond words.  I was freed from a burden I didn't want to carry this time.

No letters to friends and families.

No auctions or giveaways.

No active, open fundraising.

I'm not against doing our own private selling of stuff, which we are doing. I'm selling quietly on e-bay and other venues. I'm not against having an RR FSP for donations or a You Caring.

But this time around, we are not actively seeking donations.

This blogpost is it.

I needed to share my heart on this subject because many have asked when I am going to do a giveaway. 

I'm not.

I will gladly and lovingly raise money for other orphans or other families.

I will not be doing that for us.

This is not a backward attempt to get donations.  I am not writing this as a manipulation tactic to raise funds.  I am sharing the very depth of my heart.  This time around we are just leaning into the Lord that He is going to provide.

I KNOW He will provide.

He's already providing. He has graciously allowed us to cover the 7,000 + we have paid out for all of our state-side expenses. Yes. We borrowed for part of it.  And that is OKAY.

He has tapped on hearts and in little acts of kindness - donations have been quietly coming in. I cannot begin to express my gratitude and awe over those quiet acts of love.

He has filled me with a peace that is beyond my understanding.

I'm a doer.

I'm a planner.

I'm experienced in fundraising and I could easily whip myself into a frenzy to get us funded.

I'm the calculator.  The strategist.

This time I'm the leaner. The weary Mama who doesn't want to ask one more time, but who wants her little girl home and is trusting that on every realm - God is going to move the mountain.

I'm leaning.  In His arms.  Trusting and believing.

The peace I have - it's unreal.

For Aaron and John we bought puzzles and wrote on the back of each puzzle, the names of everyone who dropped into our bucket for their adoptions. My dad had both of the puzzles framed and they hang in our living room.

Dad wanted to do a puzzle for Mary. So I did buy a puzzle.

Songbirds. 

We will write names on the back.  But I will not seek out donations.  Mary's puzzle may not have the mass of names on it that Aaron and John have. That is OKAY.

I'm leaning.

And I'm at peace.

Am I saying fundraising is wrong? Absolutely not!! I guarantee I will be helping fundraise for other families and for orphans in the future. I believe that it is often in fundraising that hearts are moved towards adoption.  I believe that fundraising not only brings relief to a family but brings awareness to the orphan crisis in this world. I believe fundraising allows the church to come alongside those who are stepping out in faith. I believe it is one way we can easily get involved.  Rob and I give whenever we can to families and orphans.  We will continue to give even while we set out to cross the ocean ourselves. 

Responding to the orphan crisis by giving is what God has very often called us to do and we will continue to respond to that calling each time He taps on our hearts.

But this time around we are not going to fundraise for ourselves.

We are leaning.


And I am at peace.


And that is the sweetest feeling in the world.

For Mary.

“Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland."