Monday, October 20, 2014

There is Another

I rarely ever look at the girls.
 
Ever since I have known about Reece's Rainbow I have always gravitated to the boys.  All my Angel Tree babes have been boys.  Most of the children over the years I have advocated for have been boys.  We are parents to two biological boys and one adopted boy.
 
Boys are easy in my mind.
 
Wild. Fun. Active. Easy.
 
It isn't that I don't want a girl.  I've always always wanted a little girl. It's just that they totally terrify me.  I don't know anything about bows and braids and princess dresses. My fingernails aren't painted and the only time I ever ever dress up is for weddings, funerals and conventions. I am lost when it comes to girl clothes and accessories.
 
So whenever I look at the lists... I almost always look at the boys.
 
But even looking at the boys over the last four years has been pointless. The door has been closed.  We didn't qualify.
 
Until this year.
 
And this year has been overwhelming and crazy and adoption was absolutely the farthest thing from our minds.
 
If we were going to adopt again it would have to be next year at the earliest.  Because no way.  NO WAY could we add one more stressor into our lives.
 
Then I saw her face.
 
A little tiny girl with boo boos on her knees.
 
And my heart exploded.
 
And the Holy Spirit screamed - SEE HER!
 
I shared her picture with Rob and I did what I always do - I wrote about her on my blog and I posted her picture on Facebook and I set out to get her account out of the 0.00 department. 
 
And as soon as I did I panicked.
 
What if someone saw her?

What if someone wanted her?
 
What in the world have I done?
 
I knew we were in trouble when Rob started to ask questions. Serious questions.  And we began to consider.  And shake our heads.  And consider again.  All the reasons why not came to the table.  All the arguments against.  All the rational, logical positions one must take when considering bringing in an almost five year old into your home.  We went through them all.  Sifting.  Sorting.  Considering.
 
Could we?
 
Should we?
 
And just when we both were ready to look the other in the eye and say go...
 
She found a family.
 
Gone.
 
Our little girl with the boo boos on her knees.
 
Praise God for her.
 
Sorrow for us.
 
But on that day.  When the door closed for her.  Another face.  Another little girl.
 
I saw her and again heard the screaming in my heart.  SEE HER.
 
I closed the screen.
 
No.
 
I didn't share her with Rob. I didn't blog.  I didn't put her on Facebook.
 
I pushed her deep into my heart and tried to ignore the hammering.  The pounding.
 
Days.  A week.  More. Her little face in my dreams.
 
No.
 
We were weary tired.  Writing 16 hours a day.  In the midst of it all, we had to travel to South Carolina for a convention.  Rob drove.  It was work, but it was good. Healthy. Hours and hours of driving meant hours and hours of talking and sharing and dreaming.  Aaron between us.  Enjoying him.  Enjoying each other.
 
On our drive home our conversation steered.  Turned. Became serious. A discussion about faith and how we live our lives.  Rob was talking.  I was listening.  Hearing him sharing his heart and hearing the screaming in my heart.  Our little girl with the boo boo knees became part of our conversation.  How close.  How very close we had come to leaping.  A tiny push was all it would have taken Rob said.  Just one tiny push and he would have been over.  And in that moment I knew.  I needed to share. I needed to share with my very best friend in the entire world about a little girl who was robbing me of peace. 
 
Rob, there is another.
 
Another.
 
..... to be continued.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

21 comments:

  1. Aaaaahhh! Oh please don't leave us with such a cliffhanger! :-)
    Seriously, such exciting news! I am thrilled for you!

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  2. Ooh, how thrilling! I can't wait to read part two!

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  3. Praying for that daughter-to-be.
    Love you!

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  4. Ahhh! I'm on pins and needles here! So excited for your family, you will be so blessed by a little girl. Big brothers to watch over her, a Daddy to adore her and a Mama to model Christian womanhood at it's best. The braids, hair bows, tights, etc will come in time. :) I was just as scared to add boys to our family of girls, it has been interesting. Make the leap......if that is where He is leading you. Love to all! Mary (Vitaly's mom)

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  5. Can't wait to hear about your news.

    That is a Star Wars reference, right??

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  6. Oh, Julia! As I read this, a big smile slowly grew on my face.

    You can learn about braids, bows, and all that other girly stuff. You already have the essentials, though - a big loving heart for children and a passion for advocacy and adoption..

    Hoping and praying for the best possible outcome for your family, and for the little girl who has stolen your heart...can't wait to read the rest of the story (or rather, the next installment of the story!).

    Susan in Kentucky
    Cousin to 2 from U.

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  7. Noooo, please don't leave us hanging! I'll be checking your blog hourly for the rest of this story. But congratulations, I hope all goes smoothly.

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  8. Wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  9. Aaah! So exciting! Cant wait to hear more!

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  10. Ahhhh-This is son getting me excited right now!!!! SQUEAL!!!! Hugs and LOTS of LOVE!!!!
    -Miss Christina Lorraine Reynolds
    Malachi 4:5-6

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    1. I thought I said that this is getting me excited. Sorry, I was in the middle of brain-fog when I wrote it. Still love me??!!
      -Miss Christina Lorraine Reynolds
      Malachi 4:5-6

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  11. Jump ….. God will catch you. :-)

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  12. Aw, I am so very excited for you :)!!! I found your blog through Miss Susannah's, I believe, and I have checked in every once in a while every since, I love the work you do advocating for the little ones on Reese's Rainbow. This news just thrills me, I can't wait to hear the rest of the story :)! My Mom knows how you feel, although her's was three girls, and then, when she learned that the fourth little one she was expecting was a boy, she was all "I'm so excited! I have no clue what I'm doing with a boy! But I'm so excited!", heehee :).

    Bri, 17 year old blogger of "Forget Not His Benefits", a blog on Thankfulness, Family, and Following God :).

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  13. I have goosebumps and tears in my eyes reading this!!! I would so dearly love to be able to adopt another child, and I too, gravitate to boys, not being a girly girl myself. We have four sons, two adopted from Canada, and they are all grown with their own children. I cannot adopt another child, no matter how much I would love to, and how much I know I have yet to give. I will be excited for you and Rob and your boys and anxious to see the rest of your story! Praying for you all,
    samm in Canada

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  14. So happy for you Julia!

    Sue H.

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  15. Oh can't wait ... so excited.
    Debbie M

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  16. ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT OVER HERE!!!! :) Kel

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  17. Oh, what a wonderful cliffhanger!! I am so excited to see who your girl is! I may, perhaps, have little something for a fundraiser, too, if you'll be doing one! ;)

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  18. Very excited to hear the rest of this story

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