I definitely feel like a broken record these days. How many times can you ask someone to pray? It would be so much easier if we could come on this blog and hand out jobs. I know that the 500+ people who have come alongside us on this journey would gladly and willingly jump in and DO something to move this along. How refreshing would it be if we could all work together on some task to bring Aaron home. Believe me, if doing something, anything, would bring that child to this house - I would be the first in line to do whatever it took.
All we can do is sit on the sidelines and pray. Sometimes it just doesn't seem like much. Looking at the many mountains standing before us, feeling so overwhelmed from every corner, I want to just weep and cry and plead and beg and DO something to push the mountains out of the way. I had everything so planned for the first trip. It wasn't going to be easy but it was going to work. Now everything is up in the air. We have no way to plan, we are scraping the bucket financially, we are emotionally and physically drained and we have absolutely no idea when we will be able to go back and finish the process.
So yes, I feel like a broken record. All we have is the promise that God called us to adopt Aaron and He is not going to abandon us. I am hanging on for dear life to that promise. My faith is weak. I feel tired and frail. I'm clinging. Our cliff is steep. I know that God has hold of us tightly because I believe in my deepest heart that He is Good and Loving and Kind. I also know that the only way to move the mountains is by prayer. There are no jobs to give out, no tasks to accomplish. All we CAN do is pray.
So I am going to again be a broken record. Please pray. It's all we can do. It is more than enough.
Galatians 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
I read your blog daily and I AM praying for you to be able to go back SOON. I know how this feels, we had to do it ourselves. Very difficult. Like you're just 'hanging out there' waiting for your life to pick back up where you left off....it's a confusing state to be in.
ReplyDeleteBut once you're back there with him, it all sort of fades away, and you forget you had to wait.
And the time apart makes you love him and want him all the more. I know the really hard part is wondering what he's thinking and feeling. I had a hard time with that one. We were home for a month before we could go back for him and every day I wondered what he was thinking and if he remembered us and thought about us. It pained me think that he thought we left him.
But this too shall pass.
Then you will all be together and a family. Forever.
Praying your wait is short, and your wonderful life together is loooong :)
Jodi
Remember that prayer isn't the sidelines; it's the front line! We're praying!
ReplyDeleteBless your heart! I understand your feeling of helplessness. I think that since you have strong emotions, it may be harder for you to pray for Aaron without the emotions getting in the way. I've had this happen to me, so I know how that goes. With others praying, who don't even know you and cannot feel the parent/child bond that you have, we can pray easier. It doesn't mean that God isn't hearing your prayers, it is that you are so emotional on this subject, but God hears you and knows your pain. So, I will continue to pray for health for the judge, a meeting to get this settled very soon, and peace and comfort for Aaron. A pastor said that this type of prayer is a desperation prayer. It is when you have done all that you can do, and that God is the only One who can handle it now. To me the hardest thing about this wait is to sit and do nothing. Well, we're all sitting with you and praying. I don't write very cohesive messages (sorry), but God is in control. I'd better stop now before I really get started rambling!
ReplyDeleteEvery week our preacher sends out a newsletter. Right before coming to look at your blog today I read that newsletter. It was entitled "Mountain-sized challenges'. I can't copy and paste the whole thing as it is rather long so I will just leave you with this verse: "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, `Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer" (Matthew 21:21-22).
ReplyDeleteKim (you do not know me but I am praying for you and your family)
Adoption is not for the squeamish and so often the process becomes a long drawn out affair. All I can say is that your son needs you and you need to continue to work with your facilitator to find innovative ways to complete the adoption.
ReplyDeleteA friend of our completed her adoption decree in a different region with a second child - the judge granted the adoption for both kids - this is legal but required a judge with courage to do - can I have a sexist dig? - it was a woman :)
Take care
Lynn
Remember the song, "Get on your knees and Fight like a man?" That is what we all need to do!
ReplyDeletePray like we have never prayed!
You are right that we serve a kind and loving God.... yet, his ways are not our ways, nor his thoughts our thoughts.
I remember talking to our son when he was 13. I was worried about him... it was getting to be that time, when, he would be thinking about, girls..... yet, he had Cerebral Palsy, and I knew the next years would be so very difficult. I had prayed for so many years that God would heal his body. He healed his mind! (he was considered brain dead) but left his body with this awful condition..... As I started to speak with my son, he said, "Mom, it's ok! I KNOW that God means my Cerebral Palsy for my GOOD!" Maybe if I had a perfect body, I would love sports too much, and forget God.... He was so sweet and put my heart to rest.
The same with our other girls. They all came from horrific situations! Yet, our loving God knew all along the situations they were each in. One abused, and found in a meth lab, here in the U.S.
One abandoned and in a dying room, contratcted TB found in a TB hospital and was in horrible condition. The missionary said, "She was like a wild animal!" And then our Erika, 4 years in a dying room, then a sn orphanage and slated for mental hospital when we went to get her.
She rocked back and forth like the most neglected of children..... BUT GOD! He saw them through it. He loved them during it. He KNEW their sorrows and trials..... yet, he put them through it. Yet, he is loving and merciful.
I don't try to understand it, but one thing I know!
There is PURPOSE in all suffering, my own included.
When you come out the other end on this one, you will be shining like pure gold!
The Refiner's Fire Hurts, the process is painful, but the result will be everlasting.
Hold fast.... He is Holding you!
Praying for God to throw the mountains into the sea and make a way for you to go get your boy.
ReplyDeleteHe's gorgeous, btw.