Saturday, November 6, 2010

The Sad Reality

Many of you have seen this picture. It was taken back in 2006 at a special needs institute in Eastern Europe. It's a shocking picture that appears to speak of abuse and neglect. Soon after we committed to Aaron, I saw it on the internet. It stopped my heart. I could hardly look at it. It horrified me, because I knew that Aaron had been transferred to a special needs institute just like these poor boys. At that time, I had little idea what that meant. My one consolation was that the picture wasn't taken in Aaron's country.

Our first days at Aaron's institute were overwhelming-- the chaos and craziness, the unnerving sights, sounds and smells. We could hardly take it all in. We wanted to run and hide, play with Aaron separately in some safe corner away from all of the disquiet. But Aaron delighted in his new-found freedom, and he wanted to roam the grounds. Although he had lived at his institute for an entire year, he had seen only a small part of it. So he set out to explore, with the three of us in tow. It made us uncomfortable.  We weren't sure the staff wanted us spying out their secrets, and we were embarrassed by some of the things we saw. So we tried to contain Aaron, keep him in our assigned gazebo up by the gate.  But Aaron's legs could not be contained, and we had no parental authority with him as yet, so we walked.

His favorite new route took us past the shed where the lowest-functioning boys spent their summer days. They had absolutely nothing to do but wait for the next snack or mealtime. They all sat on their groundcloths, staring, moaning, crying.  At first, we could hardly bear to look.

Around the corner was a large building which, we were told, used to house Aaron's group.  It was crumbling, but the caretakers still used parts of it. On the far end was a shed for the institute's tractor and wagon. The near end contained what we thought were broken-down bathroom stalls with rows of potty chairs. Because it was doorless and dilapidated, we assumed that it was being used for storage. For several days, as we walked that way so that Aaron could see the tractor, we walked right by that shed full of boys and right by those filthy bathroom stalls with their rows of potty chairs without ever connecting the two. We thought we were seeing a junk pile. Our minds couldn't grasp what we were seeing. 

Aaron also wanted us to see his friends from his group, the highest group. He wanted us to see his world, and he wanted his friends to see and share his new toys. We tried to stop him, but in the end we always went along. Because of Aaron's persistence, we were forced to face the uncomfortable sights, sounds and smells of his world all through those first weeks. The caretakers were uncomfortable with our presence, embarrassed by what we might see, but they didn't stop us.

Once again, much of what we saw didn't register. It was too chaotic to grasp at first glance. So the first time we rounded the corner and found Aaron's group all sitting on little chairs around the grounds, we didn't immediately understand. Our minds could only absorb it in small pieces. It took us a while to realize that we were seeing "The Picture," the one at the top of this post, in real life. It was a sad reality, shocking because we knew that our boy had lived this way for a year, but also softened because we knew the hearts of the caretakers.

I've prayed and considered how best to tell this part of our story.  I don't want to sensationalize our experience, and I don't want to horrify anyone.  I am not interested in raising an uproar, even if I could. I only want people to know about the plight of the children who aren't adopted from the baby houses and end up being transferred.

When you first see this picture you probably think, as I did, that it speaks of abuse and neglect. And so it may, in the place where it was taken. But neglect is not necessarily the norm in all such institutes. We have to understand that these Eastern European mental institutes are simply poor, extremely poor. These countries are poor, and most of their citizens are poor. We were told that a college-educated teacher might expect to make only about $3000 US per year. It is not surprising that in such impoverished countries, the poorest citizens-- orphans committed to mental institutions-- have to endure conditions that most of us find shocking. These institutions depend entirely upon money allotted to them by the government, and they're not high on the budget priority list. They rarely receive private donations-- those go to the baby houses-- and the church seems to be most interested in putting shiny brass roofs on all of its neglected buildings.

At Aaron's institute, the staff works hard to make ends meet. They feed the boys as well as they can, and although none of them are emaciated (unlike the picture), they do not have an overabundance of food.  It is just enough. The staff is small, too small.  The caretakers are overworked and grossly underpaid in their thankless, highly depressing jobs. Their caretaking chores include all of the cleaning and laundry for over 100 boys. They are also commissioned to weed the flower beds and sweep the sidewalks and yards. Many of the buildings don't have indoor plumbing, and even if they do, they are not equipped to handle large volumes. 

Thus, the potty chairs. It is a very sad reality.  The only way so few caretakers can manage the daily bodily functions of so many boys is to sit them all down on their potty chairs at the same time, several times each day. When you see cute little toddlers sitting on the potty, you get one picture; but walking in on about 20 older boys, all sitting undressed on tiny potty chairs, is a whole different image. It's an image I will never forget. In this case it speaks not of abuse, but of poverty. It speaks not of neglect, but of desperation. The exhausted caretakers at Aaron's institute love their boys, but need forces them to treat them like products on an assembly line. As time passed and we learned to know and love the individual boys, the indignity of their situation saddened us all the more.

Why do I share this?  Because I have a duty to speak out for the helpless and the voiceless. We need to pray. We need to pray that God will inspire his church, in both that country and our own, to get its hands dirty, go into these forgotten institutes and minister to the Lost Boys and Girls.  They need so much.  Their caretakers are weary and overburdened.

At Aaron's institute, we have to send a powerful message that these boys are wanted. Aaron's adoption is not enough. Brady and Heath also desperately need families so that the authorities can see that there is hope for all the rest of the Lost Boys. They cannot be forgotten. I pray that God will show us how to open up Aaron's institute so that the church can go marching inside. I desire with all my heart to see His light and His love offered to those precious boys and their weary caretakers.

I have more images to share from our time there, but those are for other times and other posts. 

For now, we ask you to pray, please. Please help us advocate for Brady and Heath. I am well aware that the Reece's Rainbow's Angel Tree is in full swing. We are praying for Gavin.  My heart longs to see those baby house children snatched up before they are transferred to the places of no return.  Each time one is transferred now I want to scream, because I know better than ever what "transfer" means. So I'm screaming for the Angel Tree now, because the babies need families now, before transfer. But we must not forget Heath and Brady during the coming season. I've shouted it out already: their time is short. Their institute's director is weary and skeptical, and she may close the door on them at any time. They need families.  Please join me in praying and advocating for them.


  1. Although I have not seen what you have seen, I can hear the pain in your words. It feels like each one of them has been wrenched from your heart. We will pray with you. I am so sorry your heart is hurting so. I know God has placed this burden on you but it hurts to see you in so much pain. I know your answer would be for me to think of their pain and not yours. Trust me, I do. This burden is not for you to carry alone, thank you for allowing us to help you carry the load.

    Love wins,
    Renee Tam

  2. Such a sad truth. But how dare I look away. Yes I will be praying. It really leaves me speechless. God Bless you, deb

  3. Wow, Julia, what a deep post. My third adopted son was also adopted from one of these terrible institutions in Russia. It was very bad... I agree that if there was more awareness out there, no matter how painful it is to hear about, more people might be willing to help. I applaud you loudly for doing so much to advocate for your son's orphanage and other children in such situations. Unless you've been there, you can't fully KNOW.

  4. I found your blog through Reece's Rainbow and started following your journey when you were in country, adopting Aaron. I love seeing him blossom, now that he's home with his forever family. This is a very moving, thought provoking post. My prayers join yours for Brady, Heath, and the other Lost Boys still in the institute.


  5. chilling. I feel like God is calling me to do something for these precious children. I feel like crying.

  6. I know how much you agonized in writing this post. I think you presented a very real, very sad situation with honesty and integrity. It also screams of the urgency to get these kids while they're younger. I join you in praying that more children are adopted sooner than later and that the 'lost boys' would not be forgotten!

  7. I read this early this morning and couldn't shake it all day.

    It's a sad, sad reality for so many innocent little souls.

    ....Praying for them all!

  8. Thanks for sharing is so hard to see and think about but we all need to...
    it reminds me why we've done what we've done (even though its not easy) and makes me want to do so much more

  9. Julia, I am practically in tears. It breaks my heart for all the children and orphans in the world all the more especially those who have already been transferred. I'm crying out to the Lord with you for more families to know the need and for the hearts of His people to be softened and say yes so that more children can have a better chance at life and new experiences as Aaron and Mina have!

  10. That picture made my stomach sick. I just want to sit and cry. I'm so thankful that we got John-David so early on, but my heart still breaks for those who are going or who are already in the institution. My life, heart and mind have changed. I'm now becoming the person God wants me to be. More like Him. The Mickschl family is and will continue to pray for these lost children.

  11. Oh Julia. You did it. These are the words that need to be told. I am proud to be your friend and pray we find a solution to this one place. I saw a photo of a field of tulips once and the story goes on how the lady who tended the field planted one bulb a day for 20 years. You should see the field NOW! This is you, and this is the post that just tilled the, cathy

  12. Thank you for continuing to raise awareness and reminding us we need to look at these things that hurt if we are ever to help those who wait. Blessings, Jennifer

  13. How I understand and just witnessed some of this the past following week, for I am having nitemares. Still here in Eastern Europe adopting and ready and prepared for going home. We have to have two trips the next one to bring our little one home. For the past 12 years I have visited these orphanages, each time it gets worse, and why do I return you may ask??

  14. I had a dream last night (Sat. night), a little boy was playing with a family, pushing a big, red, plastic firetruck that was as big as he was. I saw the boy and I knew his face but in my dream I couldn't remember his name. Just before I woke up I remember saying in my dream, that's Brady, it is Brady...I woke up in the middle of the night and checked the my family found me page as the dream seemed so real... He was so happy in the dream, he had been saved. Maybe God was sending us a ray of hope of things to come. I sure hope so.

  15. I know what you are feeling. Our first adoption was in 1991 from Romania and our recent was just a few months ago from Ukraine, Brady's baby house. To this day I still think of those sweet sweet faces that were left behind. Even in my sleep I see them and hear them. I so hope that Heath, Brady and all the orphans find their family! I did a post today for Heath and Brady and put a link to your blog in hopes someone will find one or both of their sons!

  16. Proverbs - "Once our eyes are opened we cannot pretend we do not know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls knows we know and holds us responsible to act"

    It was an absolute blessing to me to meet you yesterday! Thank you for all of your honesty in this post - the world needs to know the truth. And, as you said, there is no reason to start an uproar - the truth alone does that!

    God bless!

  17. Oh my goodness! There truly are no words, friend.

  18. Thank you Thank you for your heart an advocating for these orphans. I too struggle with the things I've seen and my experiences were relatively positive in light of your experiences. I am also praying about what the Lord would have me do to help this crisis. Thank you for your heart.

  19. Julia,
    With permission could I link to your post? I sometimes have such a broken heart I don't know what words to use to stir others to action. Thanks!

  20. I am beyond speechless. You watch shows on TV about such things and hear about them but you think well it can't really that bad, they are exaggerating for the story. But to hear you tell it, to hear the pain and agnoy in your words; takes your breath away. You have no story to sell, nothing to gain.

  21. Our daugther, adopted at 3 1/2, was a special needs adoption from the Stavropol Kray. Had we not brought her home by 4, she would have gone to one of these places (and we were told about this while we were at the orphanage). God is so good in his timing!!!

    Truly sad and a shameful fact of how these children are not seen as productive. Our daugther is graduating from high school at the age of 16. While this is a great accomplishment alone, 10 days before she graduates from high school, she will graduate from the local jr college with her AA (with only one B on her transcript, the rest are A's!)!!! Their loss has been our blessing!!!


Loving words from kind people make our hearts glad!