Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Feeling Wrecked

We didn't buy tickets.

Our bags are only half packed.

We aren't rushing out the door.

We won't see our little one this week.

Court will happen without us.

The mountains we hoped would move yesterday refused to budge on our behalf.

We are home.

Feeling a bit wrecked.

Adoption is hard. You step off a cliff in faith and find yourselves tossed to and fro and around and around to the point where some days you don't know whether you are coming or going.

The very hardest part is how utterly helpless you are most of the time. Filling out the paperwork and gathering the money is about the only part you truly play. After that you are forced to surrender everything into the hands of government workers, social workers, postal workers, facilitators, judges, juries, directors, drivers, more social workers and more government workers.

We've had to surrender a lot this time around.  The process in Mary's country is much harder to predict. After having gone through this twice you would think we would have a handle on all of it, but we are as baffled as if we had never done this before.

We are feeling wrecked this morning.

We can't even express how hard it feels to not get to see our little one this week. We long to hear her voice. We miss her funny expressions and the way she wags her little finger at us. We want to hold her when she falls and carry her in our arms. She's ours. Not yet by order of the court but she is deeply entrenched in our hearts.

It's a difficult Tuesday morning.

It's okay. It comes with the territory. Cliff jumping wrecks you some days.

Our facilitator will stand in our place in court on Thursday. She will explain the whys of our absence.  We will then wait and pray that next Monday mountains will budge. We need approval from a committee that holds our dossier in their hands. We need signatures. We need a new court date.

Today we will rest. Regroup. Cry a bit. Grieve.

Tomorrow we will go back to making lists and plans. Tomorrow we will anticipate schedules and count days. Tomorrow we will pray and then pray some more.

And through it all we will trust in the One who called us on this cliff jumping adventure!


  1. Frodo : I can't do this, Sam.

    Sam : I know.
    It's all wrong
    By rights we shouldn't even be here.
    But we are.
    It's like in the great stories Mr. Frodo.
    The ones that really mattered.
    Full of darkness and danger they were,
    and sometimes you didn't want to know the end.
    Because how could the end be happy.
    How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened.
    But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow.
    Even darkness must pass.
    A new day will come.
    And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.
    Those were the stories that stayed with you.
    That meant something.
    Even if you were too small to understand why.
    But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand.
    I know now.
    Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t.
    Because they were holding on to something.

    Frodo : What are we holding on to, Sam?

    Sam : That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.

  2. Oh Julia, I'm so sorry. I've been praying almost every day for you guys and your situation. We both know God will take care of it, but for now, it's still SO hard, and I grieve and punch the wall with you.

  3. Praying things will work out quickly.

  4. I am praying for your heart. For Peace that only comes from Our Father. <3

  5. Praying for you today!


  6. Holding fast to the truth that God ALWAYS has a purpose and a plan. You are following Him and He holds you. Praying that you will feel his comfort and his peace even as it seems this nightmare will never conclude. I can't wait to hear the testimony that comes from this! Praying also that little Mary receives that supernatural peace that can only come from a Heavenly Father who loves her so much! Oh loving God, let it be so!!! Amen ((((HUGS))))

  7. Just home from a week-long trip with only sporadic Internet access - but continuous thoughts and prayers for all of you, especially Mary.

    Hoping for good news soon...but will send the look-alike doll and clothes (both the doll's and Mary's) to Mary in U. via BOM, if need be. Not anywhere near the same thing at all, of course, but I will send them and they'll at least reach her orphanage, along with my intention that they be given specifically to Mary.

    Though it would be far, far preferable to send them to Virginia...

    Prayers for the best possible outcome for everyone, and hugs to all of the Nalle family.

    Susan in Kentucky
    Cousin to 2 from U.

  8. Praying! How did Court go? Hoping you get to pick Mary up very soon!
    Kathrin, Germany


Loving words from kind people make our hearts glad!