He falls

I hate it when Aaron falls.  It makes me want to grind my teeth and cry out in utter frustration against a system that prevented him from getting the treatment he desperately needed when he was just a tiny baby.  His helplessness breaks my heart. 

Last night he was outside, pulling the wagon around our circle driveway.  It is his favorite outside activity.  He puts his treasures inside the wagon and off he goes.   He dearly loves that rusty old wagon.  Somehow last night, in his circling of the driveway, he fell.  None of us saw it happen.  The boys had just come inside to grab some pizza and had left the door open for Aaron.   He didn't follow them in.  We didn't hear him fall and in Aaron style, he fell, hurt himself and cried with tears flowing down his face in utter silence.  When we went looking for him (all four us when we realized he was 'missing'), we found him sitting in the driveway, sad, ashamed, alone, wet tears still running down his cheeks. 

He doesn't understand comfort.  He is not used to kisses and hugs.  It overwhelms him.   He just wants to be left alone.  I hate it.  I hate not being able to hold him close to me when he hurts himself. I hate that he cries in silence.  I hate not being able to prevent him from head diving into the pavement. I hate that he can't use his arms to soften the blow.   It is so hard to watch.  I want to fix him quickly.  I want him to have the freedom to run and play without fear.  All we can do is watch, pray and hope that God will protect his body until we figure out the best plan of action to get help for his little body.

P.S. - For those who have wondered - we have looked into helmets.  We have delayed making a decision about getting one because we want to meet with the doctor's at Shriner's in November to see what they would recommend.