Many More Indeed...

 

Brothers.

 

 

Oh how I love them!

 

 

 

We are meat and potato people.

 

I know in this gluten-free, salad-eating, organically grown, no sugar added world I should not admit that.

 

But it is the truth.

 

My boys eat their vegetables if they are served but they come to the table for the meat.  Plain and simple.

 

So as we were heading up the road yesterday for the airport we had to make a pit stop.

 

A McDonald's pit stop.

 

Ben wanted to CHIPMUNK OUT.  He wanted to store up for the two week winter.  He was bracing himself for two weeks of Borscht and wanted to pad his insides with man-food.

 

He ordered two Quarter Pounders with cheese and fries.  He was going to tear into his burgers with gusto.

 

When he opened the box to devour the first burger.... It was missing the bottom bun.

 

I laughed myself silly!

 

You should have seen his face when he lifted the burger up to eat it and there was no bun. 

 

HOW AM I GOING TO CHIPMUNK OUT WITHOUT MY BUN???

 

My normally non-confrontational son pulled into a parking space and took that burger back into McDonalds so he could get his bun!!  I laughed all the way to the airport.

 

I miss him already.

 

 

He brings so much laughter into our house...

 

 

-----------------------------

 

 

Thank you.

 

To everyone who commented in the last 24 hours and sent me e-mails and private messages.

 

Thank you.

 

Thank you for all your words of comfort and encouragement.  Thank you for sharing your sorrow and grief over Hanson.  Thank you for reminding me again that this is God's work.  Thank you.  I was humbled and encouraged and so very grateful for every kind word offered.   Blogs are funny things.  You speak words into a computer screen and apart from the comments section, blog trackers and the followers list - you have no idea if anyone is really paying any attention.   If I was standing up and speaking to a live audience I would know fairly quickly if I had lost the audience.  Either everyone would be snoring in their seats or the building would be empty.

 

Writing blogposts often feels like I am in the empty building.  I'm talking away but it seems no one is listening.  I know that is not true but it is often the feeling I get.  Without the feedback it is tempting to just quietly pack up the computer and leave the empty building.... taking my sorrow with me.

 

Yesterday, Hanson's baby picture really did me in.

 



Hanson's baby picture - discovered just this week!

Seeing his beautiful little perfect face and the brightness in his eyes.  Knowing that if we had had that picture 2 years ago - Hanson would be safe in a family today.  I can't look at it without having to wipe my eyes. 

 

Knowing that it shattered so many of you too.. Knowing how much he was loved... That is priceless.    We didn't find a family to rescue him.  We grieve over that reality.  We did love him.  So so many loved him.  And he is safe now.  I believe that with all my heart.  God's got him.  That knowledge brings peace to our hurting hearts.

 

So...We march on.  We keep yelling.  We keep praying.  We keep sharing and caring and giving.  There are families who need us.  There are babes who need us.  There are hearts that need to be changed.  Eyes that need to be opened. 

I'm so grateful that there are so many of you hanging in there with me.  I'm grateful that as we yell and pray and give and share... that more are joining our ranks.  God's moving. 

We march on.

There are many more where Hanson came from.... Many more indeed....



 

 

 



Little Boy Gone

This morning I am driving my son to the airport.

We will spend the two hours in the car talking and laughing and sharing.

I will cherish our time together.  Mom and Son. 

Last night he walked into the office and I was sitting there weeping.

My Hanson.

Gone.
 

I haven't advocated much in the last few months.  I've been exhausted and our schedule has been crazy and Aaron's surgeries really took their toll.  I've also been saddened deeply by a lot of muck happening in the adoption world.  Muck that makes advocating hard.  Yelling for the kids hard.  Raising money hard.  

 

But in the midst of our schedule and Aaron's surgeries and the muck happening... three new boys were listed from Aaron's institute.

 

They were listed at least six weeks ago.

 

I wanted to yell about them.  I wanted to share.  I wanted to show you their faces.

 

But I was afraid that in light of everything, I wouldn't do it right and they would go lost.  Unnoticed.

 

But they NEEDED someone to notice them so yesterday... yesterday..... I posted about them.

 

If anyone had been paying attention they would have noticed that when I listed the Lost Boys at Aaron's institute - I only included FOUR pictures.

 

These four boys.


      Pearson                                                           Dagmar
      $5,206.00                                                        $5,197.00

  

 

                                                    Grady                                               Porter 

                                                 $5,197.00                                           $7,600.00

 

 

I left one off.

 

Hanson.

 

 

I struggled.  I prayed.  I considered.   I chose to leave him off.

 

Not because I didn't love him because I loved him dearly.

 

I left him off because I didn't know if he was alive.

 

I was afraid he had died.  I was almost certain he had died.

In my deepest heart I knew he was with Jesus.

 

So I cut him from the list of Lost Boys. 

I wrote my blogpost yesterday and wondered.... wondered... would anyone notice that Hanson was not there.

 

He was the boy that was easy to miss.  The crib boy.  The one picture little guy who barely had anyone inquire about him.

 

No one noticed.  In fact... if I want to be completely and totally honest here - No one even really commented on my blogpost yesterday.  I had a few likes on FB.  I had ONE NICE comment.  I had one comment that I deleted. 

 

That was it.

 

Three NEW Lost Boys listed and One Lost Boy missing and barely a blip on the radar. 

I WAS REALLY REALLY SAD!!

WE HAVE PRAYED FOR YEARS FOR MORE BOYS TO BE LISTED FROM THAT INSTITUTE AND YESTERDAY I ANNOUNCED THAT THERE ARE THREE NEW BOYS AND NOTHING.... NOTHING.
 

 

Then yesterday afternoon I received a private message.  My worst fear had come true.  Hanson had died. 

 

He died.

 

Alone.  Most likely stiff in his crib.  I can see them carrying him out - a caretaker on each end - lugging his body up the walk.  Another dead child.  Two in the last year.  Hanson and Sasha. 

 

  

I wept.

Ben just stood and looked at me weeping for a child across the ocean.

Hanson was in our Mulligan Stew for two years.

Over and over and over again I shared about him and begged for a family.

No one ever even came close to inquiring about him.

He was the unnoticed boy in the crib across the way.

That is how he died too.

I want to bang my head against the wall and weep and wail.

I have no words.

Five Lost Boys are now Four.

I will drive my son to the airport today.

He's crossing the ocean to a country where I left my heart.

I will cry when I hug him goodbye.

I will walk to my car and drive away and have myself a good hard weeping fest.

My tears will be a mixture of goodbyes and sorrows.

My son will cross the ocean today.

A little boy died across that same ocean.

He deserved much more than he was given.

Four boys remain.

They deserve so much more then they have been given too.

Porter.  Pearson.  Grady.  Dagmar.

Four Lost Boys. 

I cannot let outside influences keep me from being their voice. 

I cannot worry that my words will be lost in the drama.

If we do not yell for them.  Who will?  Who will?

Hanson deserved so much more.

So do they.

To all of you who lovingly gave to his grant account - to you who prayed - to you who shared and cared about him - to you who are shedding tears along with me over him - THANK YOU.  Thank you for loving him.  Thank you for grieving.  Thank you for rejoicing that he is now safe, free and forever in the presence of the Father to the Fatherless.



Hanson's baby picture - discovered just this week!

Hanson's money was split between the three new Lost Boys. 

Please keep yelling with me. 

We can't save them all.  And sometimes we lose some.  And sometimes we get sidetracked by the world.  But we can make a difference.  I've seen that difference.  I've held in my arms that difference.  I've hugged families who crossed the ocean because we were working hard to make a difference.

Please let us not be sidetracked. 

"Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

We cannot give up.

Please.

We cannot give up.


There are Lost Boys and Lost Girls across the ocean who need to be found.


-------------------------




 

Finding Some Lost Boys

 

They are Lost.

 

Boys.

 

I'm praying my guts out that they will be found!

 

                                              Pearson                                                           Dagmar
                                              $3,971.00                                                        $3,962.00

  

 

                                                    Grady                                               Porter 

                                                 $3,962.00                                           $7,600.00

 

 

Three of them you haven't seen before.   Only Porter you should recognize... maybe... he's not in a sweet little pink sweater with a head full of hair anymore... 

 

You don't recognize the other three...

 

But look closely.

 

This is our Aaron...Taken three years ago in a village far away.  When he was Lost.

 

Notice what he is wearing?

 

 

I wish I could show you a picture of Aaron in a sweater similar to Pearson's because he wore that too.  But we weren't allowed to take pictures when he had it on. 

 

While we were there the boys received a shipment of new clothes. 

 

Those sweaters were part of that shipment. 

 

Three years later...

 

Those sweaters bring back a LOT of memories.

 

Four boys who are lost.

 

They all four have money in their grant accounts. 

 

You helped raise Porter's funds for him.

 

The money in Pearson's, Grady's and Dagmar's is bittersweet for me.

 

 

My sweet Yegor.

 

He had a Mama who was just starting the process.  A Mama who loved him.  But then his country closed.  And now he is Lost.

 

Since R closed its doors to adoption... his money was moved.

 

I got to choose.

 

 

With tears raining down I had it transferred from one little Lost Boy...

 

To three more Lost Boys.

 

PLEASE....

 

Won't someone find them?

 

God opened a door for these boys. 

 

They now need desperately to be found.

 

 

 

Sales and Suitcases

We cleaned out our closets and drawers and every single nook and cranny in the house and garage.  We gathered it all up and carried it to Rob's mom's house since she lives on a road that gets a lot of traffic. 

 

My dad cleaned out some of his junk too to add to our pile.

 

We filled up her garage and had stuff all over the driveway.

 

 

We sold everything for rock-bottom prices!

 

 

We made $250.00 for Ben's trip.

 

Considering what we were selling...

 

It was a GOOD day!

 

Everything not sold was donated to a local pregnancy center!

 

My house is junk-free!!

 

We are praising God because Ben raised everything HE needed for his trip (1,900.00) AND he is going to be taking another $1,185.00 that will be used to renovate the home for the orphans. 

 

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO DONATED!!

 

Ben's YOU CARING link is still open for those who still want to donate.  We would love to add to that $1,185.00!!  There are 8 boys across the ocean who will most certainly be blessed by your donation!

 

Ben's leaving on Saturday.  This Mama is struggling with all kinds of feelings about this trip.  A huge part of me wants to board that plane with him.  I left part of my heart in that country and it is forever calling me back.   I'm going to miss my oldest.  Two weeks after he comes home he will be leaving for Liberty University and that just makes me a tad bit weepy.  Okay - I'm a mess!  I want to hold on to him just a wee bit longer!  Where is the little boy who followed me around all day begging for me to read him a book?  Why is it that the older I get - the faster time goes??  Two days after Ben leaves, Elijah is going to the Boy Scout Jamboree in West Virginia.  He will be gone for 10 days.  I can't stand it!  Poor Aaron is going to be lonely beyond words.  Before Ben gets home I will head for Georgia for a Convention.  I won't even get to hug him when he gets off the plane! 

 

WAAAAAA!!!!!

 

And that my friends is my rant for the day.

 

Now... I'm off to go fill some suitcases for my two sweet boys.  Maybe make a run to the store to restock my Kleenex supply... I'm going to need it! 

 

 

 

 

God's Whispers

Those who desire with all their hearts to live their lives in grateful praise for what God has done for them through Christ understand about God's whispers.

It's a still small voice that whispers to their hearts...

Just a quiet knocking to move them in directions that He desires them to go.

It is those whispers that propel them to seek out and find ways to be Christ to those around them.  

It is those whispers that often come in the still of the night... sometimes whispers that seem rather strange... a bit crazy.. sometimes downright radical.

Those whispers that call people to sell everything they own, pack their bags and live out their lives sharing the gospel to the ends of the earth.

Those whispers that ignite in people the desire to give way beyond what they can afford to help others who are in desperate need.

Those whispers that inspire people to give up their hard-earned time, their hard-earned money, their earthly pleasures... so that others may come to know the God they love.
 

Those whispers that call families to look around their homes and find space at their tables for a needy one, or two, or three.

Those whispers that call others to advocate for the hungry, the widow, the sick, the imprisoned.

Whispers that send people to this part of the world or that.

Whispers that compel people to share with their co-workers or friends.
 

God's Whispers.

Pointing out a child to this person and saying to them.. THAT ONE... You help THAT ONE.

 

Pointing out a homeless person and saying.. THIS ONE... This is the one you need to help.

 

Pointing out a ministry and saying... DO THIS... This is where I can use you.

Whispering for people to go here, go there.  

To be His hands.  To be His feet.  To bring His light.



 To teach and tell and share with people what He has done.

Not for personal gain.  Not for personal glory.

Not to gain salvation that has been freely given.

But to point over and over and over again to the Cross.

To the cross.

God's whispers calling people to the Cross.

The cross.


I John 3...

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.

And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.

 Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.

 

God's Whispers.

Whispers that scream peace into our own hearts when we feel condemned and beaten down.

Whispers that remind us that Jesus made a way.  He made a way.

 Whispers that remind that we are forgiven if only we believe. 

Whispers that compel us to love.  Love as we have been loved.

Love because he first loved us.



Love in His name.

For His honor.  And His glory.

God's Whispers.

In grateful praise for what He has done.

Radical.  Crazy. 

God's Whispers.

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.

Are you listening?

Are you listening?

 

A Cascade of Colors

Yesterday morning my inbox was filled with dear families begging me to scream with them for their babes in R.  I could not turn down their request.  But I did it with heavy heart.  They needed to raise so much money and they only had 5 hours to do it.  I was of little faith when I wrote my blogpost.  I did it so they would know they were not alone.  I did not believe for a minute that they would even come close to reaching their goal.

 

Oh me of little faith.

 

I watched the Reece's Rainbow Facebook group explode yesterday morning.

 

I watched as people rallied and prayed and begged and GAVE.

 

I watched the nickels and dimes and dollars pour in.

 

I watched and marveled as God moved in hearts.  HE MOVED IN HEARTS.

 

Before the bell even rang.... the need was met.

 

THEY REACHED THE GOAL AND WENT OVER.

 

I stand humbled.

 

The glimmer of hope just exploded into a cascade of bright colors.

 

FOR EVERYONE WHO GAVE.... AND BELIEVED... THANK YOU!!

 

FOR EVERYONE WHO GAVE... IN LOVE... NOT BELIEVING... THANK YOU!!

 

God is so good!

 

Oh me of little faith!!

 

 

 

 

Glimmer of Hope for 300

 

 

We thought he was in the car.  We thought he was in the backseat quietly playing with his DS.  We pulled out of the church parking lot believing that we had all of our family inside.  We were oblivious.  We were carefree.  We didn't realize we had left eight year old Elijah behind.

 

It wasn't until we opened the doors at the store that we realized our mistake.

 

At the same time our cell phone rang.  Where are you?

 

I will never forget the shock and shame and terror I felt at the reality that I had left my son behind.

 

He was only 5 miles away.  He was safe with members of the church.  He was not hurt.  I knew exactly where he was.  Yet I was devastated.  I left my child behind.  He has never let me forget it.  I will never forget it.

 

They crossed the ocean.

 

They met their children.  They came home without them because that's how adoption worked in R. 

 

You meet your child.  You spend a week playing with them.  You spend a week breaking through to their hearts.  You spend a week giving them their first taste of what love feels like.  You spend a week teaching them what kisses and hugs feel like.  You spend a week whispering promises in their ear.  You spend a week holding and kissing them until that the very last second when you have to drag yourself away.  Many of them screaming and crying and reaching out.  Begging you not to leave. 

 

 

You leave them with promises that you will be back.  You will be back.  They watch you leave with those whispered promises.  You will be back.

 

300 have been left behind.

 

The promises whispered lay unfulfilled at their feet.

 

They do not understand.

 

Where did Love Go?  When is it coming back??

 

Trust me my friends....

 

Their Mamas and Papas have NOT given up.

 

They left their babes behind.

 

They will never give up.

 

The families of those 300 are still praying and crying and doing everything in their power to bring their babes home!

 

Their glimmer of hope is HERE.

 

I wish I had time to explain everything but time is short and the need is great. 

 

There is a film that has been made that has the potential to be a POWERFUL VOICE for these families.  The film is finished but marketing it to those who desperately need to see it is costly.  As of right now - the families have less than 5 hours to cover what is needed to keep this project going. 

 

They are NOT taking money right now.  They are only asking for pledges from people.

 

Five hours are left for pledging.  A considerable amount of pledging.

 

Please CLICK HERE for more information and please CLICK HERE to make a pledge.  No amount is too small!! 

 

They left behind their babes. 

 

This is their glimmer of hope.

 

PLEASE GO MAKE A PLEDGE!!

 

 

 

 

A Home for Orphans

My oldest son is 18 years old.
 

He is getting ready to cross the ocean on a missions trip.

 

 

 

The irony of what he will be doing is not lost on us.

 

He's going to be renovating a building to house/train 8 boys who are aging out of the system.

 

These boys are all 15 and 16 years old.

 

My 18 year old who we will pray over and worry over the entire time he is there will be renovating a home for 15 and 16 year old boys who would otherwise be out on the streets.

 

My 18 year old is going to cross the ocean to provide a home for boys 2-3 years younger than he is. Boys who are Elijah's age.

 

Does that not just rip your heart to shreds??  Boys.  Young boys.  Young girls.  Put out at the age of 15 or 16 or 17.  Put out on the streets to make it on their own.  Unskilled.  Homeless.  Alone.  Most will step out of the gates of the institution and right into a pit.  Prostitution.  Drugs.  Crime.  Starvation.  Jail.  Death.  Without anyone to surround them, support them, teach them, love them - they are lost. 

Ben is going to help keep 8 boys from dropping into that pit.

 

The church he will be working with over there already has 2 houses.  One for girls.  One for boys.  They are creating a third. 

 

It will be a house with house parents.  Parents who will care for them.  Pray for them.  Teach them.  Train them.  They will learn how to keep a bank account.  They will learn responsibility.  They will be given jobs to do. They will go to trade school - right there in the house.   They will learn to abide by rules within the home.  They will go to church.  They will learn about Jesus.  Hopefully, they will come to know Him as their Lord and Savior.

 

I would rather that each of the boys was safe inside the safety of family but that is not a reality for the vast majority of those caught in the institutes in Eastern Europe.

 

What this church is doing is worthy of our support.  They are being the hands and feet of Christ to 8 boys who have nothing. 

 

When Ben found out about the trip he jumped at the opportunity.  Three years ago he was supposed to cross the ocean to help us bring Aaron home.  Unfortunately our adoption took a crazy detour and Ben was unable to make the trip.  It has always been one of his greatest regrets.  By going on this trip he will be able to see Aaron's birth country.  He will also get a first-hand glimpse into the orphanages and internats over there. 

 

I am fairly certain he is going to come home with a broken heart and a changed outlook on life.

 

Ben needs to raise $1,900.00 to take part in this missions trip.

 

He decided that he wanted to take his graduation money that family and friends sent him and will use that to help cover his trip.  We are also having a yard sale this weekend to help him raise what he needs. 

 

I also wanted to give you the opportunity to come alongside what he is doing since I have had many of you ask for the opportunity to help.  I mean seriously... I was getting THREATS from some of you that if I didn't give you the opportunity to help that I would be breaking the law!! 

SO... We have set up an account with YOU CARING.COM.   If anyone on here wants to donate to Ben and to the missions trip then click the link below and you can take part!

If Ben raises more than he needs than all proceeds will be donated towards the group home. 

Click below if you want to support Ben's trip!

A HOME FOR ORPHANS

 

 THANK YOU!!!

 

 And if you think about it... pray for me.  I'm putting my son on an airplane in less than 2 weeks.  We do not personally know anyone on this missions team.  This is a HUGE step of faith for all of us.  We are grateful that one of the father/son teams going is a Reece's Rainbow family.  We were hoping we could meet them at the RR reunion but they left before we arrived.  Knowing that another RR family is going to be on the plane with Ben gives me great peace of mind despite not having ever met them in person.  But even so.... I'm going to be biting nails the entire time he is across that ocean.... I guess that's what Moms do!

 

 

They Threw It Away

All their children are grown.  27 years of child-rearing should guarantee them the right to kick-back and have fun.  Vacations.  Cruises.  Clubs.  Parties.  They earned it. 

 

They threw it away.

 

They walked away from a life of fun and leisure for the sake of two little girls.  They gave up their right to play in order to invest in two precious babes who were desperate for a family.

 

Yulia

 

and Vika.

 

 

Do you recognize Vika??  She's our Victoria. 

 

 

 

Yes, She Is Beautiful!!

 

We met her yesterday.

 

I had a hard time holding back the tears.

 

We met her Mom and Dad and her new sister, Vika.

 

 

They were at Shriners.

It was one of the longest days we'd had in a long time.  We left at 4:00 am and got home at 10:15 pm.  Over 18 hours of driving and sitting in the waiting room.  We saw Aaron's two doctors for a total of about 15 minutes.  The X-rays took another 15 minutes.  All the rest of the time we were sitting or driving or waiting.

 

But I do not regret our time there. 

 

We spent good quality time with THREE Reece's Rainbow babes....

 

Yes, that number is right.... we saw Ben Enberg too... He's been home almost 4 years.  He is a sweetheart.  We've seen him before but it has been several years.  The Enbergs adopted SIX babes from across the ocean. 

 

 

We got to sit and talk and share with two different RR families and we were so blessed.

 

 

Both families sacrificing so much for so many.

 

Both families throwing away their chance to kick back and enjoy the good life.

 

Choosing instead to invest their lives into children so desperate for care. 

 

We were so humbled in their presence. 

 

It was time well-spent!

 

 

Aaron did so well yesterday.

 

 

So did Pooh!

 

 

Since he's a bear full of fluff he didn't mind being tossed around the room in a game of 'Catch the Pooh'.

 

 

Pooh spent a LOT of time in flight!!

 

Yes, It was a LONG Day!!

 

Aaron's arm is still trying to heal... after a bone graft and 4 weeks in a cast you would think that his little bones would be knit together but frustratingly enough - that is not the case.   We are going to get another X-Ray locally in three weeks to see its progress.  

 

Aaron's right knee has just about fully straightened and looks wonderful.  His left knee is still not fully straight but it is progressing.  We are going to go ahead and schedule surgery in three months to get the plates removed from his knees.  We will do a - before surgery appointment - to confirm that everything is good to go.  We are praying that all will be well.  This Mama cannot wait for those plates to be removed.  His range of motion in his left knee is still limited but it is moving some (20 degrees for all those therapists out there). Not until he gets the plates out are we going to see real improvement in his range. Until then our littlest is going to continue to walk like Frankenstein!!

 

Rob and I are both in recovery today from our trip.  We are thankful for another safe trip up and back.  We are also so very thankful for a group of doctors who care about our little guy.    We are most definitely grateful that we get three months off!!  If we can just keep our littlest from falling....

 

Thanking God for His goodness.  Thanking Him for His provision.  And most importantly, thanking him for the privilege of again seeing the fruit of our labor.

 

 

P.S. - Aaron's doctor is pretty certain he can get Victoria walking.  It will not be easy and will be a long process but she is not going to spend the rest of her life confined to a wheelchair.   Praising God.  Praising God!

 

Grande Finale

I'm kind of sad that this is the last round of pictures.  I'm sure some of you have been overwhelmed with my picture-fest and scrolled through them quickly each day.   Many of you never even waited around for the pictures to upload.   

 

That's okay. 

 

 Putting these pictures on was good for ME.  

 

I needed these Blogposts.  I NEEDED THEM!! They are beautiful reminders to me of what GOD HAS DONE.  As I sat and held and watched and laughed and enjoyed the children this past week I was brought back time and again that this is God's work.  He did this.  He sets the lonely in families.

 

Our cries matter.

 

Reece and Owen Roberts and Aaron

 

 

I watched friendships formed..

 

Johnny Hines, Owen Roberts and Aaron

 

 

Aaron and Charlotte Dirkes

 

 

I watched brothers playing with brothers...

 

Peyton and Gavin White

 

 

 

 

I watched families laugh and play together.

 

 

I watched my family find joy in the simple.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I watched babes who were destined for a life behind closed walls able to run free and laugh and play!

 

 

It was a good week.  Raising our voices mattered to each one at that campground. 

 

As we laughed and played and talked and shared I was struck by the reality that all of us carry within us profound gratefulness that our babes are free...

 

 

 

 

And profound sorrow that we left so many behind. 

 

 

 

I think that joy and sorrow will always be part of us.

 

 I know it will always be part of me.