Friday, October 20, 2017

Aren't You Scared

He had just finished reading the litany of diagnoses. Mental delay, severe epilepsy, severe speech delay, hyperactivity.  He had just finished reading about her abandonment. He had just finished making it clear for the court record that no one, not one person, had visited or called or made contact with her since she had been left at the hospital. No one.

It was grim.

Aren't You Scared?

He motioned for Rob to stand up and answer the question.

Yes. I thought as I looked at the judge. Absolutely.  I am terrified.  I am not naïve. I've done this before. I know what is coming.  I've spent hours and days and weeks and months in the trenches with my other two boys.

Rob stood and cleared his throat.  He then, in words that were beautiful and eloquent, shared with the judge about meeting Aaron for the first time. He was a severely disabled boy in a Level 4 mental institute who couldn't talk, barely walked, couldn't feed himself, couldn't take care of himself.  He had been put away. But now. Now Aaron can run. He never stops talking. He feeds himself. He can do so many things for himself. He is in school and can read and write and is so very smart. We know that Mary has great potential.  We know we can help her just like we have helped our other boys.

It was perfect and right and in every way the truth.

But it doesn't mean we aren't scared.

We are so not naïve.

We have seen every one of her diagnoses. They are not incorrect. 

She was abandoned at a time in her life when she needed her Mama the most. She went from hospital to an orphanage. Just last May she was transferred to a Level 3 special needs orphanage. Right after transfer she was taken to a "camp" where she spent the summer months. She knows starvation, she knows abandonment, she knows that to survive you have to fight. She knows that grownups can hurt her. She knows.

Aren't You Scared.


We are.

But she needs us. She needs family. She needs advocates. She needs a home. She needs love.  She needs a Mama and a Papa who are committed to stay the course with her.  She needs the Lord.  And He is the One who called us to cross the ocean for her.

We are leaving on Monday night and I have already packed the bags.

Our bags are packed.

I travel all the time and I never pack until right before I leave but not this time.

We're ready.

We're ready to bring home a little girl who has had to learn to fight to survive.

We are bringing home a little girl who shuts down verbally when she is upset.

We are bringing home a little girl who has seizures that are dangerous and unpredictable.

We are bringing home a little girl who is adorable and who has already wrapped us around her little finger.

We are scared.

I won't lie.

We know that in the coming months we are going to go deep into the trenches. We know that we will spend thousands of hours in hospitals and doctor's offices. We know she is developmentally and emotionally delayed. We know that we are bringing home a hurting little girl on every level.

But we know the One who called us.

And we are counting the hours to go get our little one and bring her home.


  1. My heart is filled with such joy and hope for all of you. My prayers are filled with asking Him for His grace in the trenches.

  2. You bring to mind the words, "be of good courage." You are. And I admire you so much. As hard as it is for some women to be pregnant and give birth, your journey to add these children to your family is much longer, with such highs and lows and uncertainties! But you go on in spite of the risks of the adoption process, the risks to your heart. And your boys are a beautiful testament to your unfailing love. Thank you for sharing; your example of faith is inspiring.

  3. Thank you for your obedience to the Lord. He will carry you! Praying that your love for Mary will ease her pains and she will grow to trust you in a surprising way, despite everything she has been through. I pray this in Jesus' amazing name. Amen.

  4. Sending prayers for traveling mercies and blessings - and for many additional "traveling mercies" for the long journey ahead. The phrase/verse "Be of good cheer" keeps coming to mind during these last precious days which precede Mary's physical entrance into your family (she's already firmly in your hearts, of course!). I will be so thankful when she is home and receiving the treatment, care, and most of all, love she deserves.

    So - Be of good cheer, Mary's coming home!

    Hugs all round,
    Susan in Kentucky
    Cousin to 2 college students (how'd that happen so fast??) from Ukraine

  5. How are the boys doing (Aaron and John)? Do they understand? (I'm sure they understand better in some ways!) What have you done to help them prepare for Mary? I'm so excited you are so close to bringing your darling girl home. Prayers and love for the next few days!!!

  6. No words - just tears and prayers and praise. Oh Lord Jesus, grace and more grace. Thank You so much for Mary and thank You so much for Your servants of love. I cannot wait to see more of You manifest in these lives.

  7. I am keeping you in my prayers. This tribute to the power of love that you’ve written today is so moving. Our Lord is with you and Mary in every step you take. It is beautiful how you can feel this.

  8. Every bit of life can be difficult.... if you don't embrace the challenges with full abandon. I'm certain that she'll flourish in the next year and that will be a spectacular event!

  9. Very well said! I too remember that feeling. She needs your love as well as you need her. Prayers for all of you! Monday is coming soon!
    Kate Germany

  10. So glad you are so close to bringing her home. As a foster mum for over 20 years I have no doubt it will be scary & hard, I also have no doubt it will be worth it. I will continue to keep your family in my prayers.

  11. So many prayers for your family!!!

  12. Bon voyage! Paca-paca! Best wishes, and may your about-to-happen adventures be only the happy kind during the busy days ahead.

    Sending prayers for traveling blessings and mercies as you start the final round of bringing Mary home.

    Susan in Kentucky
    Cousin to two college students from U.


Loving words from kind people make our hearts glad!